1 Womans Journey

Imperfect, Fallible and Human

2011-11-26T00:04:00.037-05:00

Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness anddespair but manifestations of strength and resolution. -- K. Gibran

April Epner: I know what I did to you, to you in particular. Kinda worst nightmare kind of thing, right? I knew that. Even at the time I knew that.
Frank: What else?
April Epner: I'll do it again, I will, I'll hurt you again and again. Not like that, you'd have to leave me if I hurt you like that. If we were together you would leave me if I hurt you like that again, wouldn't you?
Frank: Yes. Yes, I would.
April Epner: Good. But I'll hurt you in other ways, little ways, I won't mean to but I will. And sometimes I will mean to.
Frank: This is quite an offer you've worked out.
April Epner: You'll hurt me too, you know. You'll hurt me and change on me, you might even leave me after you promise you won't, how about that?
Frank: I wouldn't.
April Epner: But you might.
Frank: But I wouldn't.
April Epner: But... you might.
Frank: Yeah, I guess I might.

We are in the midst of the holiday season. It is a time forgatherings with family and friends -- holiday dinners and parties, shopping -- allof which typically requires lots social interaction. I chose the quote (above)from the movie “Then She Found Me” because in the (somewhat awkward) scenebetween Helen Hunt and Colin Firth, April's words depict whathappens naturally in the course of all close personal relationships; be itfriendships, family or romantic. Sometimes letting go is the right decision when we find a person who isnot positive and supportive majority of the time. But,sometimes, an understanding of naturalhuman tendency to be fallible softens the blow when others behavior, actions (ormistakes) isn’t the most comfortable feeling in the moment and can cause ourautonomic nervous system (ANS) light up the fight or flight feeling. It isthose moments where not being primitive animals that automatically respond toour biological impulses is important and let reasoning set in.

According to Dr. Daniel Amen “the people you spend time withdetermine your longevity”. I attributemy father’s stroke to the social stress he dealt with for decades, coupled with genetics. He did not have a spouse who was supportiveand loving for majority of his life, nor close friends or family to help easethe problems him and my mother faced. Iam happy that seems to have now changed. Science has proven social isolation is asdangerous as smoking.

Positive social interaction requires understanding and anability to be benevolent to one another, and show it through our actions andwords. It is thought that our “feeling side” of our brain is the primitive partof our brain and the rational part is the apart of the newly (relative tomillions of years) part of our brain. I find using science to help me understandwhat maybe lying behind my loved ones behavior helps me step away from takingit personal and empowers me to try react better. Oddly (or maybe not) science is helping me learn how to maintainrelationships through the sticky stuff; to stick it out as I -- and my loved ones -- each evolve, grow and change, as long as the relationships have a predominately positive foundation. Having a scientific understanding (via psychologytests and functional MRI’s) of my son’s brain helps me and his teacherscater his education to what we know his strengths and weaknesses are. We knowthat he is near genius in vocabulary, but that his processing speed is on thelow end of average. This could cause him to come off as being lazy, when it isreally his brain catching up and it needs a little more time. He has an amazing way of communicating, butwhen he is learning something new we know he needs more time than his averagepeers to work on mastering it. I find this understanding helps me to be patientwhen it might be more of a challenge to choose to do so.

As we are movingthrough the holidays festivities it seems fitting to end this with a popularverse from the bible:

Love is patient, love is kind. Itdoes not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ Itdoes not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, itkeeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Lovedoes not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Italways protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. --1 Corinthians 13 (NIV)

Raising Men: Compassion, Health and Conquering Chronic Disease

2011-10-04T10:26:00.015-04:00

I had spent some of my spare time of the first 5 of months of 2011 organizing a team for the Race for the Cure and the daywas finally here. Almost 40 people; friends, friends of friends, and family hadcome together to share a moment, to show solidarity against a disease thattouches more women each day. I have yet to be personally affected by thedisease, but this is my attempt of paying it forward for all the women whosurrounded and carried me and my family through the darkest days of my oldestson’s cancer treatment.

On that sunny warmspring day in May, the typically almost desolate streets of theMotor City were packed with 40,000 people. Men,women and children of every race, size, and health level literally filled thestreets to come together for mostly women who face this terrible disease.

As we drove home from Detroit, a friend invited the team back to her house for a Breast Cancer Walk fundraiser she washosting at her home later that evening.

I entered my friends house, the sky was now dark and anothersuccessful Race for the Cure was behind me. As the evening progressed I found a seat with a group of her coworkers sitting at her kitchen table discussing what had trandspired earlier. A white and grey-streaked haired yet youthful faced man, sitting down the table from me, asked something to the affect, “we (society) have no problemcoming together for women’s causes or children’s causes, but you would hardlyhear of such a thing for men and prostate cancer.” The conversation turned intoteaching our boys compassion for themselves and each other, while still encouraging sympathy for female and children issues -- typically known in politics as compassion issues, or social issues.

I find myself reflecting onthis question in my quiet moments, even now, months later. I am raising 3 boys who will someday bemen. I only get one chance to instill andreinforce these important human values in them.

That spring turned into summer quickly, and we were on vacation with the ocean waves coming in quick and hard; the August skyforetold of the hurricane still a good distance south of where I played with my three sons along the Atlantic. For a moment, my attention wasdiverted to a dad with two boys, one about the same age as my oldest (near 11) and theother probably around 5. The dad was encouraging the oldest to push and shovethe younger one into the strong waves that were a result of the down coast hurricane. The younger child was clearlyfrightened. And I, too, was concerned. I gave him an “are you serious?!?” glarefor a moment, he then said something about how he was making him stronger. I just shook my head and went back to playing with my children. Stronger?!? Perhaps fearful, less compassionate and less trusting is what came tomy mind, but I kept my mouth shut.

According to theMerriam-Webster Dictionary compassion is the sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with adesire to alleviate it. We all haveexperienced emotional pain, or some form of suffering at some point. In Dr. James Doty, MDarticle in the Washington post this past March speaks about how, “It has been stated many times that survival is of thefittest, but when one reads Darwin closely this is not the case. Rather, themore accurate statement, coined by Dacher Keltner, Ph.D. and other leadingsocial scientists, is “the survival of the kindest.”

It is thought thatcompassion is the means of the genes protecting themselves and making sure theymade it into the next generation. Compassion is an important part of allowing our species to beso great in number. Compassion is what allows us, as a species, to survive in times of struggle.

Dacher Keltner, professor of psychology at U ofC, Berkleley explains the biological basis for compassion, “…Take the loose association of glands, organs,and cardiovascular and respiratory systems known as the autonomic nervoussystem (ANS). The ANS plays a primary role in regulating our blood flow andbreathing patterns for different kinds of actions. For example, when we feelthreatened, our heart and breathing rates usually increase, preparing us eitherto confront or flee from the threat—the so-called “fight or flight” response.What is the ANS profile of compassion? As it turns out, when young children andadults feel compassion for others, this emotion is reflected in very realphysiological changes: Their heart rate goes down from baseline levels, whichprepares them not to fight or flee, but to approach and sooth. Then there’s oxytocin, a hormone that floats through thebloodstream. Research performed on the small, stocky rodents known as prairievoles indicates that oxytocin promotes long-term bonds and commitments, as wellas the kind of nurturing behavior—like care for offspring—that lies at theheart of compassion. It may account for that overwhelming feeling of warmth andconnection we feel toward our offspring or loved ones. Indeed, breastfeedingand massages elevate oxytocin levels in the blood (as does eating chocolate).In some recent studies I’ve conducted, we have found that when people performbehaviors associated with compassionate love—warm smiles, friendly handgestures, affirmative forward leans—their bodies produce more oxytocin. Thissuggests compassion may be self-perpetuating: Being compassionate causes achemical reaction in the body that motivates us to be even more compassionate.” (see reference below for article site)

Gail Underwood Parker, author of the blog 'Upbeats and Downbeats' explains, "Sympathy is more than recognition. To me, empathy does not require more than dispassionately recognizing and understanding someone else's pain. Compassion is far more. Compassion means feeling, regretting that pain, and wishing to ease that pain. Empathy does not seem to require action, but compassion calls for, cries out for action."

When we experience compassion, our vagus nerve is activated. A well reacting vagus nerve is a good ticket our health. It calms us, it slows the heart rate and it strengthen's our immune system. Research is suggesting that compassion might be able to slow the aging process by lowering inflammation in the body. Inflammation is thought to be the precursor to many of our chronic diseases like diabetes, cancer, cardiovascular disease, etc.

Compassion and empathy are innate within the human chemical makeup -- but some conditioned beliefs of communities and/or family culture drive many to mistrust and even at times have disdain for emotions like compassion, empathy and optimism.

Kristin Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin and a pioneer in research on self-compassion, says, “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

At the beginning of her paper on The Development and Validation of a Scale to Measure Self-Compassion the summary explains, "Self-compassion entails being kind and understanding toward oneself in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical; perceiving one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience rather than seeing them as isolating; and holding painful thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness rather than over-identifying with them. Evidence for the validity and reliability of the scale is presented in a series of studies. Results indicate that self-compassion is significantly correlated with positive mental health outcomes such as less depression and anxiety and greater life satisfaction. Evidence is also provided for the discriminant validity of the scale, including with regard to self-esteem measures." (available through Psychology Press)

Compassion is sometimes thought of as awomen’s emotion. In an effort to explain his tendency to make derogatory comments to me, my husband (who recently filed for divorce, probably because I was never able to understand this) once tried to explain the nature of the male beast to me, "Sometimes when friends are being competitive they push each others buttons intentionally, they say things mean on purpose." I have to be honest, I am still trying to understand what he means by this. But think I get the idea behind it, and it is what I think needs to change. The health benefits thata compassionate person reaps from the act of simply being can become apart of our society if we acknowledge its importance within us and we encourage our youth toward it.

I still question how to show and teach myyoung boys -- who will be men before I know it -- how to be compassionatetoward themselves and other males. I try to be aware of opportunities (daily) to encourage them to be understanding of each other and themselves. I try to be an example. Perhaps, in someway, it is selfish of me. I know this will improve their health, improve the communities they choose to settle in and protect the generations far beyond them.

I am grateful for my dad who shows compassion by his constant drive to want to help, and for other men like Jeff Cram a active volunteer from our local Camp Quality (a group that helps kids with cancer remember to be kids) and Mark Horrocks who started Habitate for Hope with his wife and made it their life mission to help families facing a pediatric health crisis. These are just a few I can think of off the top of my head that stand out (in my social circles) as reminders that strong men do know how to be compassionate and I'm not raising weirdos, but heroes, if I encourage my sons to look to them, and other men like them, as examples.

I hope to impart on my children that their health and wellness also lie within how well they treat others and themselves.

Ref: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_compassionate_instinct/

Picture of vagus from http://www.medicalook.com/human_anatomy/organs/Vagus_nerves.html

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=forget-survival-of-the-fittest

http://1womensjourney.blogspot.com/2011/07/view-from-handicap-section.html

Did You Know that January is Manuary - Men Grow Facial Hair Awareness Month?

2011-08-31T23:43:00.017-04:00

The list of the causes we should become aware of just the first month of the year is this long:

AwarenessMonth Awareness Month
BeOn-Purpose Month, National
Bird-FeedingMonths, National
Celebrationof Life Month
CreativityMonth, International - by Randall Munson
CleanUp Your Computer Month, National
Constipation awareness month,
NationalDrag History Month,
National(Established by Logo T.V. to celebrate the history and role of Drag Queens inthe LGBT community.)
FinancialWellness Month
GetOrganized Month
Glaucoma Awareness Month,National
HotTea Month, National
MailorderGardening Month, National - according to the Mailorder Gardening Association
Manuary- men grow facial hair
MeetingsHistory Month, National
MentoringMonth, National (USA)
NationalClown College Month
OatmealMonth
Povertyin America Awareness Month, National - according to the Catholic Campaign forHuman
Development
RadonAction Month, National - US Environmental Protection Agency
Self-HelpGroup Awareness Month - according to the Mental Health Clearinghouse
SkatingMonth, National - according to the U.S. Figure Skating Association
VolunteerBlood Donor Month, National

Itwas a good idea in its original form otherwise it wouldn’t have gone soviral…all of this monthly awareness stuff. I need to note that I am not trying to belittle the diseases or thecauses that groups are trying to educate us on, some of them are important. For example, it’s importantfor a woman to be able to do a self-exam. Early dection is important toteach the public, it saves lives. Manuary, well… Iappreciate the snicker at the idea when I read it on the list, and I am glad whatever group, or person,thought of that one, are not pushing it too hard. (I don’t know if this list is complete, so ifyour cause is not up there it because I am not being through, it is nothingpersonal.)

I admit I used to turn off theSt. Jude infomericals that were on TV (years ago before Kevin wasdiagnosed). I tried once to watch one andthought to myself this is too depressing and turned it off. I tuned out what eventually became my son’ssaving grace. I’m glad other people didn’t make the same choice I did.

Inow live in a world where I see other moms post on Facebook about going totheir child’s grave to visit, I hear about the newly diagnosed and those whohave lived, but also live with the late effects caused by such a terribledisease. This is my normal. I neverimagined it would happen to one of my children.

TodayI met more newly diagnosed as we waited for my son's follow-up appointments at St. Jude. Aswe waited for blood draws for labs, we met one little boy the same ageof my youngest who was diagnosed with Leukemia on my oldest’s birthday. His mom is9 months pregnant. My heart just sinks becauseI have a clue as to how hard the journey is going to be. Treatment is tough andscary. We, parents of kids with cancer, agree to fill our children with poisons, stuff we wouldnormally call poison control for if they ingested, to save our children. Wewalk with our children and hold their little hands through hell, praying theymake it out alive.

Itis hard not to cry at the end of the day here, despite all the amazing things St. Jude does to try to soften the blow. It is a terrible reality oflife. And I hate more people are experiencing it. Cancer knows no socioeconomic status, itknows no one faith or church, it sometimes does single out one community ifthey don’t protect their environment, but it is completely clueless about race.

Thisbrings me to my quandary. September is National Childhood Cancer AwarenessMonth. In a way, it seems like one morething to fill the air with, something that can be easily tuned out or turnedoff. I used to do it. It was too sad. So I have asked myself what is the pointof making people aware of such a terrible thing? These are the answers I havecome up with:

If you find yourself or someone you know facingcancer with a newly diagnosed child (God forbid), hopefully the stories ofothers will have stuck and help you make educated decisions.
When elections come around, if you understandwhat is happening (I believe strongly there is a connection between environmentand cancer, in some cases) you can vote wisely.
This is our future. It might seem like just mykid, but it’s not. It’s one of the leading killers of children. And the kids who live through it are left with late effects.
I know of enough kids who have died fromthe disease, or the diseases they get as a result of treatment. The earlier cancer is caught the better chance a child has. Parents need to be aware it can happen and its typically the last thing your doctor will look for when a child starts showing symptoms.
Because I believe in my son’s vision for cancerto someday be treated like the flu; you take some medicine, your sick for a fewdays and then you go on with life as normal. This won't become a reality with out funding for research.
I hate cancer, but I especially hate it when akid gets it.

Today we also met a man who is participating in a St. Jude survivor research project. He had cancer when he was 11. That was 23 years ago. As we both waited for our appointments in the waiting area for physical therapy, we discussed life and moving on. He was a very handsome well spoken man that looked completely normal with his jeans on. His wife, who sat next to him was bubbly, happy and appeared very supportive. But as he told me his story I learned one of his legs is a prosthetic. He lost it to cancer at the age of 11. Bittersweet, but meetings like this sometimes fill me with hope and sometimes make me so thankful for research and improvements in treatment.

A couple years ago I met a young man who had had the same type of brain tumor as my son, only 20+ years ago. He was obviously mentally challenged. As I spoke to his mom I learned that the dosages that they used to give medulloblastoma kids were much higher then and caused some mental retardation. My son did not make it out without consequence, but nothing as sever as that mother and son have to live with.

I am so thankful for the improvements made to treatment. We must keep moving forward as the invasive cancer rate for children has increased 29% over the last 20 years. Rare? Hardly feels like it to me. I wish it was more rare; I shouldn't be meeting so many people in my own community affected by childhood cancer.

So I will do my part to raise awareness this month. You can tune it out or participate. I was forced not to tune it out any more.

Pro-life, Pro-Choice and Parenthood: A Multidimensional Subject that Should Drive More Social Issue Discussions

2011-08-14T11:11:00.068-04:00

Note: This entry was inspired by Frances Kissling's interview on NPR's On Being.

It’s my oldest child’s birthday. This 7 pound 2 ounce -- 3 week early baby-- is the baby boy that made me a mom for the first time. He wasn't a planned pregnancy, but he was wanted, a choice made on the fly and one that has enriched my life and made my life (and me) better. I went to the doctor after being sick and throwing up for 3 weeks. The doctor asked if he could do a pregnancy test. I agreed while openly expressing (in the privacy of the exam room) that there was no way this blood test would come back positive; I didn't feel I was ready to be a mom and I was on birth control that had worked so far. Though recently married, but I was unsure of my marriage, very unsure of myself, and pretty convinced that both my new husband and I had not married the right person for ourselves. In my mid 20’s, so old enough but much younger than I wanted to be to start having children; I did own a very small place of my own -- but a child was not a part of my then-current plan. When the doctor called and told me I was pregnant me, he gingerly asked about discussing termination. I declined. The nurturing part of me already kicked in the moment I learned he was growing inside of me. I was going to see to it that this child was protected and cared for the best I could figure out.

I had grown up in a household where topics like this were discussed openly in the conservative backdrop of a Mormon family. This little person, who I did not know yet, was here in the physical world in my beliefs. I had always valued life; I had experimented with vegetarianism in my late teens and early twenties because I didn't enjoy eating the flesh from another living animal. Yet the people who were close to me convinced me I was wrong and that being vegetarian was a hassle and was not healthy.... in their meat-eating world. I went back to doing what I did best, trying to make those around me happy and silencing my own young voice.

Lots of people come to the doorstep of parenthood in their own way, with their own perspective and beliefs. For me, being the oldest of my 4 siblings and having to babysit a lot -- sometimes for days at a time -- formed my thoughts about the demands of parenthood. I didn’t have a close knit extended family to offer a child, something I feel is very important. I saw parenthood as a very difficult job that required a lot of resources, some of which we don’t get to choose and can’t buy with money. We are either born with those extra resources, kind of have it or don’t have it at all. I fell between the first two categories. I understood from taking care of my younger siblings that children are amazing beings that deserve the very best that we can give them. When I found out I was pregnant, I considered adoption, -- as I was thinking about my lack of preparedness for this, I questioned if adoption would be the unselfish thing to do, but my new husband was not onboard with that idea. He was determined that we would just figure it out. My dad encouraged me to have faith, and I began to believe that -- though I didn’t have a plan for this--it would somehow work out.

August 2000 my first son entered my world and I have never been so in love (except when his younger brothers came into the world later on). I held him the first 24 hours, rarely putting him down, amazed by this little life that now was in my care. I have done my best to love, care and protect him as best as I can while navigating this world without my own mother to guide me through. I appreciate my own father, who was once was willing to reject me, his oldest daughter, to please my mother, yet in the end he did not turn his back on me and has since remained an active part of mine and my children’s lives. It really does take a village to help teach and guide a child to be able to understand and navigate this world as an adult successfully.

My choice to keep my child changed my life in profound ways that cannot be measured in monetary gain or any other very obvious measure, only in who I was before and who I have now become. I have held all three of my children on the day of their birth in awe and respect of the life they inhibit and it is my love for them that sometimes pushes me to be better myself.

All mothers and fathers have limits as to how much they have to give; how many children they are equipped to care for. And parenthood does leave an uneducated woman or man in a position that can lead to vulnerable situations, for both the parent and the children. It is well known in my family that my mother wanted a small family because that was all she felt capable of taking care of, and my father wanted a large family. I believe he truly wanted a large family, but I think some of the reasons behind it were due to the religious and social pressures. My mother felt the same pressures and ignored her internal voice. My father got a large family, and to put it bluntly – my mother lost her marbles – literally and seriously.

This is where I struggle with religion, culture and societies that encourage all to procreate without the means to educate all to think critically. It is my belief that not everyone is meant to be a parent. School teachers have names for children who are “Parentally Challenged”. To me, sometimes "procreation for all" is a way to spread an ideology, a religion, but also dangerous when groups of people are encouraged not to listen to their own voices about their own limitations, and be honest about who they really are. This leaves open to the fact that children will be born into difficult challenges most will not overcome.

All this leads me to this odd intersection. It is hard for me to comprehend why would a socially conservative movement be anti- social programs; if we want to protect an unborn child yet throw the mother and the baby out after the birth?

It seems that are few issues are as complicated or intimate. We have to be honest what brings a girl or woman to making the abortion choice. It is a fact some girls and women are being abused by husbands and boyfriends, some are being pressured to have sex by boyfriends, peers and much older boys and men, some are not educated about birth control (or do not feel that is an option), along with pressure to have abortions by the fathers of the babies, some face their own uncertainty about themselves as young teen mothers already in difficult living circumstances, some want to finish school, live in poverty, lack opportunity to adequately care for a family and for others it is their own demons be it drug addictions or abusive personalities, mental illness. Here's what I learned: sometimes life is too messed up to bring a baby into it and we, as a society, don't have the social safe guards to catch majority of the girls or women who find themselves in one or many of these situations nor the children brought into the situation.

As of right now, I believe life starts within weeks of conception. I understand, yet struggle, with the idea that all life is not equal. I get the idea, but I internally struggle with the argument that a life that has the faculty to survive outside of the womb might be of more importance than the one that cannot live without its mother’s womb. But I detest the fact that after that child is born into poverty --or difficult situations -- our society tends to shun that young life and his parent(s) for their poor choices in life, their limited education, etc. There’s a disconnect in that thought process that makes my stomach churn because this ideology is forming our society, our public policies. It is affecting real lives not just hypothetical lives that don’t exist.

My belief of where life starts is the one point where modern society tells me I am socially conservative, but it is the driving belief that encourages progressiveness and a belief in a mixed capitalist society as being the ideal goal; yet I find myself in the midst of a family and community that seems both economically liberal and fiscally conservative while being socially conservative. I know we need to have the social programs for those in difficult places yet trying to make what some would call the “right, yet difficult decision”.

I still believe very deeply in the sanctity of life beginning within weeks of conception. I was given a choice to terminate my pregnancy, but I didn't. I knew then I would not, though going through that choice has increased my compassion for others who do.

Some women are going to feel abortion is the only choice, no matter what anybody else says about it. If abortion is not safe (and legal), many of these women will die from that choice. I am not cold and callus to say either death is okay. Life is difficult and sometimes life forces one to face difficult decisions. For some it is being told their cancer is progressive and having to choose to pursue treatment or not to, some parents have to make those decisions for children they have chosen to have. I do not categorically support every woman's possible reason for getting an abortion; I especially do not support late term abortions or the chilling stories I have read about babies being born alive and then killed. It is these instances it is important we make adoption easier, make it easier to give a young life a safe home when the child is not to be with the birth mother. Not everyone should be a parent. As a society we should empower women to understand their sexuality as the beautiful thing it can be, not throw it away. Women should be encouraged to educate themselves throughout life. We all should choose our relationships carefully. This is a big complicated issue, I refuse to see as one that can be contained in singularity; it is a multidimensional issue that begs for congruity, internal and external consistency in thought and practice, especially in the midst of many politically driven social issues that sprout from the birth of a child in a less than favorable situation.

Emotion, reason and policy: Thinking liberally about feeling | The Economist

The View from the Handicap Section - “The Roseto Effect”

2011-07-13T00:46:00.014-04:00

4th of July weekend 2010, I was in the handicap section in front of the orchestra accompanying my father who recently turned 60 and also had a stroke earlier in the year-- which gave us (almost) front row seats. To this day, my dad still fights with his own neurological connections in his brain to be able to move his left side.

After the music and fireworks to celebrate our nations independence concluded, I pushed my father’s wheelchair forward through the crowd to the exit- I found it impossible not to notice effects of chronic disease as it really did surround me literally at that moment. The stark reality of the health struggles of majority of Americans was, to me, like a horror scene from a scary movie. But here I could not close my eyes as I typically would in the movie theater. There had to be at least a 150 people moving slowly through the crowd to the waiting golf carts to transport the ill and handicap and their loved ones. These were all people facing the similar health crises as my family is facing. As I continued to push my father's wheel chair, looking over the head of the man, who when standing towers over me, the man I used to watch run and work out when I was a child, the man whom first introduced me to weight lifting and running-- was struggling to just to walk a short distance and now be considered handicap, it brought a heaviness that knocks the wind out of my breath still.

When I started speaking out more about the importance of diet, I also had a theory that diet is only 1/4 of the complete package of a healthy, vibrant life. I was in the infancy stage of trying to get a handle on what it truly means to be “healthy”. As I looked, read, and talked to more people, I found I was not alone in my “theory”. There are doctors and researchers who already know/knew and have done the research (why don’t more on the ground, in the trenches Doctors know this?).

Dr. Dean Ornish is a huge proponent that diet is a factor but only one of the many components that help maintain health. In his latest book, Spectrum he outlines 4 categories to health - what you eat, how you respond to stress, activity and love and support.

In one of his books, Malcolm Gladwell talks about the “The Roseto Effect”. To summarize, in 1966, in Roseto, a small Pennsylvania town, where the inhabitants ate what I would call “grandma’s cooking” (it was typically fried in lard), they smoked and drank, spending their days in hard, hazardous labor. But the people in this town seemed nearly immune to cardiovascular disease (CVD) and other chronic diseases. The multi-generational study found that “mutual respect and cooperation contribute to the health and welfare of a community and its inhabitants, and that self- indulgence and lack of concern for others exert opposite influences”. These people died of heart attacks at half the national rate all because they cared about one another. They took the time to talk to one another, supported and educated their youth together and they thrived on the sense of community and secureness of knowing they were all in it as a whole. Sociologist John Bruhn nearly 50 years after said, “There was no suicide, no alcoholism, no drug addiction, and very little crime. They didn't have anyone on welfare. Then we looked at peptic ulcers. They didn't have any of those either. These people were dying of old age. That’s it.”

I think the policies and leadership of our government set the tone for our society. It sets the tone for how we treat one another. It was one of the original founders of Roseto, PA ( or google 'Roseto Affect') that set the tone for that community that lasted for decades, generations--leading them to have significantly less disease than the rest of our country. If we believe that we only need to look out for ourselves, as in the words of Ayn Rand, philosopher and writer, “that I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.” we are guaranteeing a life full of watching neighbors and loved ones deal with illness. Just a basic biology and psychology class will teach that our babies die without love, support and so do children and adults. We cannot become 'something' without people who believe in us combined with our own effort. Those who believe that we need only look out for ourselves are short selling out our descendants, and possibly humanity.

It was just a moment, a rare moment as I was exiting a community event, when the realities of how many people who are living through their disease, diseases that are preventing them from living fully and vibrantly, diseases that could have been prevented if we just had taken the time to care enough to understand the human in humanity and ensured that our policies and practices protected the human condition, and cared enough about future generations to make the choices that protect them.

As I have watched chronic disease affect so many people I care about; from neighbors, to loved ones, even my own young son, I've had to really examine my life, my views, and my political views. I find myself advocating for a healthier culture and society. It may sound impossible, especially for a country like the United States where chronic disease is so rampant, where the idea of medical care for everyone, workers rights, decent wages, vacation time, work/life balance and basic respect for life, family and protecting each other may seem threatening especially by those who have come to believe the rhetoric that these ideals are "socialist", but I have to believe it is not. Just a look to Denmark , and their mixed capitalist economy, and I know its not impossible, just a long shot.

What Does Epistemology Mean?

2011-04-19T14:04:00.009-04:00

Note: My goal is to get this post out in 15 minutes or less. So please excuse typo's, incorrect punctuation, etc. All of which I know I still do, even when I edit and spend an hour writing something.

Epistemology. It was a few years ago, a couple of weeks into my first winter semester back in college, when my English Comp II teacher said that word. Here I am sitting in English and he is speaking Greek AND expecting me to understand it. According to the Standford Encyclopedia of Philosophy it is, "the study of knowledge and justified belief".

Epistemology is what this blog is about. I am in search of understanding. Are my belief's about health, wellness, and being a decent person on this planet right? -- is what I think, right, wrong, right for right now, completely wrong? Are they imposing on other's freedom's, happiness? Or contributing to my own (or other's) demise, ability to get good employment, etc? Is what I believe (thus motivating my actions) good and allowing me to better myself and enable those around me to do well also? Because one of my foundational beliefs is we are all connected in some way or form. It maybe not be obvious right now. But we live on one planet, all breath air and probably affect each other more than we could, or world, or care to acknowledge.

I appreciate the reminder this almost 20 minute "talk" gave me. I have had discussions, like I typical enjoy to do, with my peers about current affairs and our perspective views about them. But one my thoughts might have been wrong. Maybe the U.S. population is living longer. To me, with all of the disease, what I see happening in my community, and in my own family, it is a hard to see that as reality. But according to the U.S. Census we are living longer. According to this paper we are not. Huh. I don't know. Honestly too tired to put any more energy towards it, or investigate which is actually right. Maybe they both are. Because we are all, in someway, living in multiple realities - in our own individual perspectives and experiences giving our eyes its own individual perspective of reality.

Michigan Educational Cuts

2011-03-21T20:52:00.008-04:00

Last month, on a train to JFK airport I had a conversation with an architecture masters student working on a project at Columbia in Manhattan. He was a U of M alumnus, working toward his masters at a school I probably should recognize in LA. As we were discussing the woo's of Detroit (and Michigan), he brought up that Detroit is the subject of many architect student projects as they try to theoretically come up with a solution. When I asked him what he thinks would help Detroit the most he told me improving the education system. I've been mulling this thought as I listening to the debates about Governor Synder's educational cuts (along with other states governors). I’ve been really considering how giving companies more money is going to help our working class, educate our children. Why do businesses need an 80% tax break?

My extended family is very staunchly Republican, and some are starting to join the tea party. I hear the arguments for further deregulation at family gatherings.

The logic behind the argument seems to be missing pieces. Something seems amiss to it to me. As I try to piece together what I have observed, experienced and hear I still come back to the logic that without an educated workforce we are weaker. There are short term gains for a very select few in Governor Synder’s budget proposal.

I appreciate that Synder is not taking a salary and I honestly think he means well. But if he really meant we all need to tighten our belts to weather this financial fallout together he would be an example of shared suffering, putting his children in public school and take the money he was spending on their private school education and give it to charity to help our increasing poor working middle class. But he’s not. They are still enrolled in private school, which I wouldn’t see as such a conflict if he wasn’t so severely cutting our educational system. But he is, and he has nothing to lose by what he is doing.

Our children, our communities are not going to be able to come back if we have a cesspool of workers to choose from. It isn’t logical. No matter the amount of tax breaks and incentives we give businesses. What type of jobs will our children be prepared for? The kids who do navigate our educational system successfully tend to leave to go to more culturally diverse cities. I lack to see the irony that in one train ride between Brooklyn and Queens that I run into two University of Michigan graduates with strong opinions that there is little to no hope for what was a Michigan jewel, Detroit and its neighboring communities (with the exception of Bloomfield Hills falling out of favor).

35.6 percent of Michigan adults have degrees, ranking Michigan 33rd among the 50 states. What will our future look like with an even less educated workforce to offer businesses? Click here for video.

Even as aging adults, it is highly unlikely we will not be insulated from the consequences of reducing public education. More parents, myself included, should not be rolling passively over and saying "Yes, our children will take one for the team". If we are really in this together, than we all need to walk the walk and not sacrifice the hope of a better future at the expense of our children. That argument does not make sound sense and, how does it not eliminates hope of good paying jobs for our kids someday?

Side note:

http://www.taxfoundation.org/files/fed_individual_rate_history-20101220.pdf

The top marginal rate decreased from 70% in 1980 to 28% in 1989. Historical marginal tax rate tables are posted on the website of the Tax Policy Center. Is the trickledown effect working for the middle class?

Out Running Diabetes

2011-01-07T01:47:00.006-05:00

In many ways I am my own experiment. In my early 20's I watched my grandmother die a terrible death from diabetes. It slowly took her limb by limb, mini-stroke by stroke. My dad had a stroke last year. And I wonder, how long can I hold this off? Can I avoid it all together?

I have traced diabetes back 4 generations from me. So I've made - what some may think as - radical changes to my diet; but I question if it is radical enough. Sugar (evil sugar) and I have this bond I struggle to break. Turning down a dessert is near impossible for me. This past Tuesday was a very stressful day, as I had to watch my little sister face one of her demons - and there was nothing I could do to help her or protect her - by the end of the day if I didn't find a huge piece of chocolate I thought I was going to go crazy.

I am thankful that Mrs. Murry, my high school gym teacher encouraged me to break the soda habit. But baked goods are another ball game for me. I typically try to reduce the sugar in the things I make myself but I find the kids will not touch it when I reduce the sweetness of what I try to pull off as cookies. As my kids get older and more exposed to processed foods, this battle is getting tougher and tougher for me.

I am noticing I have a similar struggle with food that both my dad and grandmother have/had. So I exercise, try to keep healthy things in the house. I eat lots of plants - - really all I eat is plants. I try to make my pantry a safe place. I try to manage my stress, which is difficult as I care about the people around me and sometimes not letting their problems cause me to worry (I am a worrier) is difficult. I am working on protecting my sleep because I believe that sleep is important to maintaining bodily function.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for my annual physical. My blood pressure was 113/66 with a resting pulse of 63 – all good stats. It will be next week before the all the blood test results are back from the lab. I am concerned about the diabetes part, but my doctor seemed more concerned about my thyroid. I've gained just a little bit of weight since the summer - my ideal weight is just a under 120 - the 7ish pound gain is a lot for me - but not a red flag for the doctor who I am sure is used to seeing people with a more substantial weight problems. Most of fall semester I battled a terrible ear infection, which was unusual for me - if I catch a bug it typically doesn't last more than a few days. I ended up at a homeopathic/ chiropractor who put me on iodine and did this voodoo thing called Matrix on me (and, no, it was not like the movie where I was hooked into a virtual world – or maybe it was and I just haven't realized it yet). This was a last resort to surgery to relieve the plugged ear and restore my hearing. Since the iodine worked (and none of the antibiotics she prescribed did), and since being on the iodine I want to sleep more than ever along with a few other things she is recognizing as symptoms, she is theorizing that there might be something wrong with my thyroid. I'm not completely on-board yet, but am open to what she and the blood work say.

So, I will work on learning more in the next week about my thyroid as I await the blood work.

But, really, despite this, I am hoping to see my cholesterol level to beat my previous 150 and thus continue the experiment….can I beat it?

Rachel's Vegan Taco/Chili

2010-11-19T19:44:00.005-05:00

I was working on trying a raw veggie/fruit week and the cold weather got to me. I'm pretty sure I was born in the wrong state. And somehow I have yet to leave this frozen tundra.
So I made tacos because what else warms up a cold body better? Okay, I could think of a few other things, but I am not spending my whole day at the gym (as much as I would like to). A spicy taco made life a little bit warmer for a few minutes.

Note: this could also be put in the slow cooker in the morning and you can come home to a chili in the evening.

Veggie Taco (or Chili)

1 chopped zucchini

1 chopped yellow squash

(Chopped carrots optional – cook longer if adding carrots)

3/4 to 1 cup of fresh salsa

¼ a cup chopped fresh cilantro

1 can of rinsed and drained red kidney beans

1 can of rinsed and drained black beans

½ packet of Trader Joes taco seasoning or equivalent seasoning packet

¼ - 1 cup of water or vegetable broth – use your judgment if your making chili or taco's

Throw everything in a pot, stir occasionally over medium heat.

NOTE: Eyeball the water (or broth) to make sure you have enough so nothing burns.

Cook on stove top for approximately 15 minutes or until it seems done to you.

I add Agar-Agar to thicken it towards the end.

Oh – almost forgot

This is the vegan 'cheese'. It is soy and casein free.

When Love and Determination Wins

2010-11-02T03:20:00.013-04:00

This morning I was listening to an iTunes U podcast about Democracy. The Yale Professor was discussing Rousseau's social contract and it had me thinking about all of the crazy messages we all get blasted with at election time, especially all the talk about the constitution lately. And, I did think about writing a personal analysis of history.

Then my afternoon happened. Shortly after lunch my ex-husband and I had a meeting at the school to go over our son's I.E.P with his teacher and resource room teacher. His IEP (Individualized Education Plan) was put in place upon his return from cancer treatment. It is a plan that has acted as a vehicle to help him with the cognitive problems and deficits resulting from his brain surgery and treatment. Kevin missed all of 2^nd grade and the beginning of 3^rd grade.

I am not sure if I can even adequately describe the experience I want to share here.

The backstory before Kevin's diagnosis:

Kevin's dad and I started the divorce process when Kevin was 6 months old. We both have had to make compromises to give Kevin the best that we can. We have had to learn to work past hurt feelings and learn to work together in our own ways. It isn't always pretty but we have figured it out. When I married Kevin's stepfather, Mike, he was happy and eager to accept responsibility for sharing in the effort to raise Kevin. We all have our quirks, we all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses.

So fast-forward to the time shortly after Kevin's diagnosis and brain surgery. I was an emotional wreck, as probably most mom's would be finding out that their child has cancer and requires some pretty scary treatment. I was busy negotiating and learning the hospital system as quickly as possible while trying to still care for an infant and trying to spend each moment I could by Kevin's bedside. Kevin's dad still had work to balance and he did the graveyard shift majority of nights while Kevin was at the Children's Hospital. Kevin's step-dad and I shared daytime duties some overnights when Eric needed a break, typically overlapping. As we fell into our groove, as the shock wore off, one afternoon I watched Kevin's step-dad reading to him and saw how it calmed him down. His aunts read to him when they came to sit by his bedside, his grandmothers, his grandfathers. Kevin starting going through book after book, probably enjoying the familiar voices carry his thoughts far away from a strange nightmare of a situation into whatever make believe world resided in those books.

Kevin doesn't remember much from the 9 months of treatment and he doesn't remember much from the months shortly after that. Even though we tried to continue his education the best we could – with weekly visits from a private teacher – I don't really think much stuck. But Kevin hasn't been a wimp either. He has worked hard to overcome and catch up. His dad and I have spent hours working with him, we've hired tutors. The same that we are doing still with the motor coordination we are still working on with him.

At Kevin's I.E.P. today Kevin's teacher pointed out something I had never grasped in my somewhat frantic effort to try to make sure Kevin still had a future – now in 5^th grade Kevin is doing grade level work - amazing! The only thing he requires is a trip to the resource room to take some tests, at his discretion. He is allowed extra time for his tests, but from the report today he isn't requiring the extra time as much. The teacher pointed out Kevin basically skipped all of 2^nd grade and apart of 3^rd and caught up by 5^th grade. That took my breath away….. because he has.

In my score sheet for Kevin, love and Kevin's determination gets a million points and cancer gets 1. Take that cancer!

In my Danish-heritage induced tendency toward optimism, I have to think that if a bunch of adults (ex-husbands, ex-in-laws, new in-laws, family, friends, teachers, strangers, etc.), some of who according to society norms are supposed to dislike each other, are able to shun "normal" and work amazingly well together (I think my ex-husbands dad is one of the best peacemakers I know) to take care of one sick child – I ask what could our country do if we only lived up to our capability to look out for one another?

I also can't help but mention, if we can all put our differences aside to help one child overcome a terrible disease, I know its on a much larger scale, but why can't our country do a better job of coming together for the good of those still unemployed? How about for those facing cancer without health insurance? For those who lose their health insurance in the midst of a health crisis?

I see such contradictions in some groups where they are the first to volunteer and help; sometimes those groups are the first to vote down legislation that would allow everyone access to health care and help make our country much more economically competitive with majority of developed countries.
I may see the world differently than most; I have seen kids suffer terribly, I've watched parents lose their children in very painful deaths that can take months, I almost lost mine this way. I also have seen the amazing power of community spirit. In honor of what those children have to go through, it is with their fighting spirit in mind, I hope to leave this world a little better and bring a different perspective to the conversation.

Your Brain’s Capacity Limits, Dopamine, and Food

2010-10-03T16:12:00.009-04:00

I am fascinated by the marvelous transmission system that our nervous system, including our brain and neurotransmitters, is. Typically, the internal processes seamlessly forms that which we are throughout our daily lives are. The orbitofrontal cortex, located just above your eyes (light blue in the graphic below), is an important brain region for the processing of rewards and punishments, a qualification for the complex yet flexible emotional and social behavior which has contributed to the evolutionary success of humans.

But first I have a complaint. While reading science and psychology articles this week about dopamine and how our bodies have been made to signal pleasure to our brain I detected a removed tone about the "other". It is often "the obese" or "the addictive" people that are referred to. To me, it sounds dangerously elitist. Perhaps it is the style to which science is written for journals and publications; but I take issue with it because it also pointlessly segregates.

Biologically, it is this, our attraction to sex and high calorie foods that has kept our species going through the ages. Some of us are more susceptible than others but, especially when it comes to food majority of us are prone to over-indulging. (Typically, people with damage to the orbitofrontal cortex have a harder time disengaging from impulsive behavior.)

And these statistics suggest we are all susceptible:

Cancer deaths are projected to double in the next two decades. A report issued by the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) says that by 2030, there will be almost 21.4 million new cases diagnosed annually and that there will be over 13.2 million deaths from cancer. (Science Centric. Web. 2010)

In the 2006 American Cancer Society (ACS) Guidelines on Nutrition and Physical Activity one third of more than 500,000 cancer deaths each year can be attributed to diet and physical activity habits. (Kushi, et al 254) …hum…seems like we need a wakeup call…that "other" person is the majority of us.

What about the alarming rise in instances of cardiovascular disease, diabetes and other autoimmune diseases. (HELLO!?!?!)

The Invisible Person

not pregnant

pregnant

Well, I am done talking about the invisible person. I am going to throw myself into the group of "other". I love my chocolate chip cookies and controlling food impulses can be challenging for me. I have been known to eat a whole plateful of cookies on days I feel overwhelmed and lack impulse control. I gained 60-ish pounds with each of my 3 pregnancies. I was also raised with a mother who told me that it was highly likely I would someday be overweight too. And she was right. The genetics for being overweight lie within my DNA. I got to experience it for the 9 months my weight went up and the 9 (or maybe more) months I worked to get it off - three times. One side note about each of my pregnancies, I did eat more meat and processed food during those times. I wonder if my brain was low on dopamine during this huge hormonal shift?

Programed to be Open to Change

There is hope. We do know that just because the genetic code for something such as obesity, cancer, diabetes, etc. lie within our DNA molecules does not mean that our bodies will express (or turn on) that gene. It is about choices, sometimes our choices and sometimes our reaction to other people's choices that affect our lives.

One somewhat new science finding - one that gives me hope - is neuroplasticity (aka cortical re-mapping) which is the thought that the brain is malleable; that the brain has the ability to change as a result of experience. It takes place in the lateral orbitofrontal cortex. It is here we evaluate negative things, which may lead us to a change in behavior.

The realization that preferences are something that can be hard to free ourselves perhaps is the first step to making better choices in the long run. Likewise, understanding that our brains have a capacity limit is also important.

The Limits of Self Control

Science journalist and author of How We Decide, Jonah Lehrer, during a 2009 interview on NPR told Terri Gross:

"…. we should definitely be conscious of the fact that we have limited machines, that our brain isn't omnipotent and that it can only take in so much information at any one time.

One of the studies I talk about in the book concerns a study done by a Stanford psychologists who - they had two groups of people. One group they had memorize a two-digit number; the other group they had memorize a seven-digit number. Then they marched these two groups down the hall and gave them a choice between two snacks.

One snack was a rich, gooey slice of chocolate cake. The other snack was a responsible fruit salad. The people who memorized a two-digit number were twice as likely to choose the fruit salad as the people who memorized the seven-digit number, who were twice as likely to choose the chocolate cake. And the reason is that those extra five digits - doesn't seem like very much information at all, just five extra numbers - so overwhelmed the prefrontal cortex that there wasn't enough processing power leftover to exert self-control.

So that gives us a sense of just how limited in capacity our brain actually is and I think points to the fact that we should absolutely be aware of these limitations.

So that doesn't necessarily mean, you know, you have to block out information and never use Google. I think it just means that we should be aware of this and that if you've had a hard day at work or if you're trying to - you know, if you just spent all morning on a crossword puzzle, then be aware that your willpower's going to be a little bit weaker, that especially these rational faculties of the brain are very limited in capacity."

For me, it helps to understand the biology of what is causing me to go back for yet another chocolate chip cookie even when I am full.

In May of 2009 host, Terri Gross, of NPR's radio show Fresh Air interviewed Dr. David Kessler author of The End of Overeating, pediatrician, former FDA commissioner, and former Dean of the medical schools at Yale and the University of California.

During the interview Dr. Kessler explained. "We used to think of - food was something we ate to fill us up, to satiate us. But in fact, much of the food that we're eating, this trifecta of sugar, fat and salt, stimulate us. And what we now see is the science that shows that much of the food that we're eating, this very highly palatable food, is excessively activating the neurocircuitry of many of our brains. We used to just think that, you know, food tasted good, but we now know what's behind that, and for many of us the reason we keep on eating is because of this sustained stimulation."

So what is happening when we bit into something sweet, salty and with a good chuck of fat within it?

From the PBS show Moyers on Addiction:

"Different parts of the brain govern different functions. Here, you can see the areas of the brain that control such things as movement, thought, judgment, memory, and "reward," or the feeling of pleasure that comes after one does something enjoyable (tasting a piece of cake, receiving a compliment from the boss)." (See this link for an animation)

On the same website dopamine is explained as:

"One important neurotransmitter involved in the experience of pleasure is called dopamine. Here, dopamine, shown in yellow, is produced in the neuron shown at the top and packaged in containers called vesicles. As an electrical impulse arrives at the neuron's terminal, the vesicle moves to the neural membrane and releases its load of dopamine into the synaptic cleft. The dopamine crosses the gap and binds to receiver sites, or receptors, on the membrane of the next neuron. When dopamine occupies a receptor, various actions take place in that neuron so that a new electrical impulse is generated in this neuron, and the "message" continues on. After the dopamine has bound to the receptor, eventually it comes off again and is removed from the synaptic cleft and back into the first neuron by reuptake pumps. (For normal nerve transmission, it is important that the dopamine not stay in the cleft.)" See this link for an animation.

Many of our key bodily functions have evolved (or were designed; depending on the belief system at hand) to help us to survive and continue our species. Dopamine is released while consuming rich, salty, fatty food. Being attracted to high calories foods has helped our numbers explode into an estimated 6,872,597,995 humans walking this earth (estimate as of October 2, 2010). But this is what is starting to kill us now because "food" companies have figured out that if they process fruits, grains, vegetables, even meat (think chicken nuggets) mixed with salt and fat enough we will become addicted to their products. And those products affect who we are, who we become. They affect our moods, our weight, and our lives.

Author, Gary Wenk, points out in his 2010 book, Your Brain on Food: How Chemicals Control Your Thoughts and Feelings, that "the drugs you take, the foods you eat – can affect how your neurons behave and, subsequently, how you think and feel."

An interesting fact also is the power of human touch. Touch can light up the same area of the brain. But I think I will leave this topic for another day or you can learn more here.

One last thought. Almost every time I open "food" that is in a package I consciously know what I am doing to myself. And for me, that is half the battle….on most days.

As I finish writing I find I am reaching for the chocolate pie in the fridge (I'm only having one though!). I think my brain has reached capacity and impulse control has become questionable; and I still have lots of studying for midterms to do!

Cancer, Diet and Lifestyle

2010-09-26T10:54:00.002-04:00

In the United States, 1 in 2 men will battle some form of cancer in their lifetime, 1 in 3 women will face cancer in their lifetime. Cancer will steal youth and life from some 1,545 children diagnosed in 2007. In the United States in 2007, approximately 10,400 children under age 15 were diagnosed with cancer. Early estimates for 2009 hypothesize that 10,730 children were diagnosed last year. This makes cancer the leading cause of death by disease among children in the United States. (NCI Cancer Fact Sheet "Childhood Cancers")

The World Health Organization cites,

In the year 2000, malignant tumours were responsible for 12 % of the nearly 56 million deaths worldwide from all causes. In many countries, more than a quarter of deaths are attributable to cancer. In 2000, 5.3 million men and 4.7 million women developed a malignant tumour and altogether 6.2 million died from the disease. The report also reveals that cancer has emerged as a major public health problem in developing countries, matching its effect in industrialized nations. (WHO Global Cancer Rates)

The cancer process involves the initiation, promotion, malignant transformation and tumor progression. Chemicals called carcinogens can turn otherwise healthy cells into cancer cells within minutes. Most carcinogens are industrial byproducts but nature does form a few, such as Aflatoxin. Another way for cancer to initiate is by miscopying of the cell during the dividing process that can cause a dangerous mutation. At the second stage, promotion can take years to progress depending on the type of cancer. It is as these cells multiple that the tumors become visible and detectable. Yet, in order to grow and proliferate cancer cells also require the right environment. According to Dr. Campbell, "Promotion is reversible, depending on whether the early cancer growth is given the right conditions in which to grow. This is where certain dietary factors become so important. These dietary factors, call promoters, feed cancer growth. Other dietary factors, call anti-promoters, slow cancer growth." (Campbell & Campbell 50) Dr. Campbell's thoughts are echoed by the 2006 American Cancer Society (ACS) Guidelines on Nutrition and Physical Activity that points out "nutrients in the diet can protect DNA from being damaged."

According to the 2006 American Cancer Society (ACS) Guidelines on Nutrition and Physical Activity one third of more than 500,000 cancer deaths each year can be attributed to diet and physical activity habits. (Kushi, et al 254) The ACS guidelines also recommend, "consume a healthy diet, with an emphasis on plant sources" along with adopt a physically active lifestyle and maintain a healthy weight. (Kushi, et al 256) Which seems like common sense; common sense that can be hard to find the tools to implement.

During two of NIH research projects (one human, one animal), that Dr. Campbell took part in as a Nutrition Researcher, discovered (when studying the promotion stage of cancer) that low-protein diets could

..reduce tumors though the following mechanisms:

Less aflatoxin entered the cell

Cells multiplied more slowly

Multiple changes occurred within the enzyme complex to reduce activity

The quantity of critical components of the relevant enzymes was reduced.

Less aflatoxin-DNA adducts were formed. (Campbell & Campbell 53)

The China Study, a study of 170 villages in rural China, Dr. Campbell also discovered, "As blood cholesterol levels decreased from 170 mg/dL to 90 md/dL. Cancers of the liver, rectum, colon, male lung, female lung, breast, childhood leukemia, adult leukemia, childhood brain, adult brain, stomach and esophagus (throat) decreased...Most American's know that if you have high cholesterol, you should worry about your heart, but they don't know that you might want to worry about cancer as well." (Campbell & Campbell 78-79)

Diet

It is through our diet that we get the nutrition that provides for our cells to function. It is just common sense that a healthy diet is the apart of the arsenal of weapons for chronic disease prevention. But 'healthy diet' is a term that has broad, generic meaning and, depending on any given persons knowledge about diet and nutrition, can be very different from person to person. Factors such as tradition and religion play a part in how diet and nutrition intergrades' on an individual level. The World Health Organization acknowledges that eating habits transfer from one population to another quickly in our shrinking world. "Modern dietary patterns and physical activity patterns are risk behaviors that travel across countries and are transferable from one population to another like an infectious disease, affecting disease patterns globally." (WHO 5)

Studies have showed that a flexitarian diet can be just as beneficial as a vegetarian diet in warding off the popular chronic diseases of our culture, including cancer. But I am of the personal opinion that looking at your genetic genealogy is also a good way to make educated decisions about what choices will increase or decrease your own personal risk.

Diet is an important key component, as is physical activity, the quality of our friendships, our ability to have compassion for one another, and the way we process stress in our lives. In a recent article in Scientific American, "Forget Survival of the Fittest; It Is Kindness That Counts" the author interviewed Dacher Keltner, director of the Berkeley Social Interaction Laboratoryabout his new book,
Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. Keltner new book weaves together scientific findings with personal narrative to uncover the innate power of human emotion to connect people with each other. He argues is the path to living the good life. (Scientific American Feb. 26, 2009)

On page 2 of the interview Keltner describes how, "The vagus nerve is part of the parasympathetic autonomic nervous system. It is a bundle of nerves that originates in the top of the spinal cord, it activates different organs throughout the body (heart, lungs, liver, digestive organs). When active, it is likely to produce that feeling of warm expansion in the chest, for example when we are moved by someone's goodness or when we appreciate a beautiful piece of music. University of Illinois, Chicago, psychiatrist Steve Porges long ago argued that the vagus nerve is a care-taking organ in the body (of course, it serves many other functions as well). Several reasons justify this claim. The vagus nerve is thought to stimulate certain muscles in the vocal chamber, enabling communication. It reduces heart rate. Very new science suggests that it may be closely connected to oxytocin receptor networks. And it is unique to mammals.

Our research and that of other scientists suggests that the vagus nerve may be a physiological system that supports caretaking and altruism. We have found that activation of the vagus nerve is associated with feelings of compassion and the ethical intuition that humans from different social groups (even adversarial ones) share a common humanity. People who have high vagus nerve activation in a resting state, we have found, are prone to feeling emotions that promote altruism—compassion, gratitude, love, happiness. Arizona State University psychologist Nancy Eisenberg has found that children with elevated vagal tone (high baseline vagus nerve activity) are more cooperative and likely to give. This area of study is the beginning of a fascinating new argument about altruism—that a branch of our nervous system evolved to support such behavior." (Scientific American Feb. 26, 2009 web)

He also mentions that, "Meditating on a compassionate approach to others shifts resting brain activation to the left hemisphere, a region associated with happiness, and boosts immune functions.

Talking about areas of gratitude, in classrooms, at the dinner table or in the diary, boosts happiness and social well-being and health."

All of this takes me back to a year after my son's diagnosis with a cancerous brain tumor. And though I feel strongly that diet is a key component, it is one component in the overall picture. As I was looking back and reflecting what really helped Kevin make it through that very tough road, I recalled this vivid memory I wrote about on our family blog,

"I have this powerful memory of Kevin, in a hospital gown, with blood still stuck in his hair from the surgery, and just barely enough balance to sit in a chair. It was dark outside, so probably evening, and our family was gathered around Kevin. We were surrounded by a ton of little stuffed animals and gifts family, friends and strangers had sent. Someone had just brought in the cards his 2nd grade class had made for him. There my son sat, in a chair maybe for the first time since his surgery, reading the cards his classmates made for him. I will never forget the smile I saw as he read the cards. One of the little girls even signed her name with 'Love, so-and-so'. I saw Kevin's spirits rise in that moment. Those little handmade cards meant the world to him. They gave him power I couldn't, the doctor's couldn't, his dad couldn't. Only his classmates could and did."

It is empathy, an ability to work together and communicate that seems to separate us from other species. It also seems to play a key role in our health. So maybe it's a good idea to share your healthy habits and meals with others; make time and space to for friendships. It may just keep you (and them) a little bit healthier.

Easy Grilled Veggies

2010-09-02T21:36:00.005-04:00

Labor Day weekend; the turning point to the end of summer; summer toys start to get put away while temperatures start to fall and we prepare for falling leaves.

The last month or so I have pulled out an old college memory - how I learned to grill whitefish - and am working it into a way to easily grill veggies (with minimal mess). There are things about this that still need to be perfected, but I will give you the pictorial overview with a few written instructions below, if you find variations that work better - I'd love to hear.

One last thing before I start, this is my favorite way to make fajita's for a crowd. You can make everything individually and everyone can pick what they want to put in their custom fajita. I didn't do fajita tonight. I have been out of town for 13 days and just used veggies from my garden to make a simple veggie dinner.

So here we go.

You will need:

- parchment paper,

- aluminum foil, butter (or, in my case, vegan butter or olive oil),

- some spices. I like (no, LOVE) Traders Joes 21 Seasoning. It has no salt in it and no preservatives.

1. Chop your veggies. (However you want; I'm not a control freak.... most of the time - if you can handle a knife, you can chop your veggies however you want.) Just keep in mind the thicker the slice the longer it will take to grill.

2. Prepare your first 'bag' by placing a sheet of aluminum foil down first, then place a sheet of parchment paper on top. The parchment paper is going to be enclosed by the aluminum foil when this is complete.

broccoli, butter and seasoning

green peppers, onions, olive oil and seasoning


sweet potatoes with cinnamon, butter and a little bit of sugar


fold parchment paper around your veggies


fold aluminum foil around parchment paper

close ends and you have a bag!


place on grill and flip about every 4 minutes

So far I have found that sweet potatoes take the longest to grill - about 20-25 minutes if the grill is pre-heated.

Everything else seems to take about 15 minutes, but carefully check (without burning yourself) before removing from the grill. Each grill can be a little different.

Note: I boiled the corn tonight - that I haven't experimented with the bag concept for corn on the cob....yet.

Case for a Vegetarian/ Flexitarian Diet

2010-08-30T10:16:00.008-04:00

The American Dietetic Association released a statement in July of 2009 "The results of an evidence-based review showed that a vegetarian diet is associated with a lower risk of death from ischemic heart disease. Vegetarians also appear to have lower low-density lipoprotein cholesterol levels, lower blood pressure, and lower rates of hypertension and type 2 diabetes than nonvegetarians." (Craig et al. 1)

Correlation between diet and chronic disease is strong enough not to ignore. The World Health Organization argues that, "This rapid rate of change, together with the increasing burden of disease, is creating a major public health threat which demands immediate and effective action." (WHO 5) People around the world are consuming a diet comprised of densely fat, high caloric, low nutrient foods to the point to toxicity, to the point of causing costly chronic diseases. The diet and lifestyle patterns of cultures that lack the epidemic chronic diseases give a baseline for healthy living.

Moderation is a relative word. The recommendation to eat meat and dairy in moderation could mean once a day to one person and to 3-5 times a day for others. When, really, it could be an ounce once a day, a cup a day. There is a strong need for clearer, braver recommendations. Removing or reducing refined foods will take education and a cultural shift. The need for a better public intervention is beyond great and as the study in Finland proves is achievable .

The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) information sheet on Diet and Diabetes mentions, "Animal products contain fat, especially saturated fat, which is linked to heart disease, insulin resistance, and certain forms of cancer. These products also contain cholesterol and, of course, animal protein…animal protein can aggravate kidney problems and calcium loss. Animal products never provide fiber or healthful carbohydrates." (PCRM 2) The PCRM is a vegan-promoting organization but I don't think their views are not justified.

For over 30 years Dr. John McDougall has been a pioneer in associating diet with chronic disease. A the age of 18 Dr. McDougal suffered a stroke after years of eating the Standard American Diet (SAD). Dr. Campbell author of the China Study interviewed Dr. McDougall and retells his story.

"Many of his patients' health problems were a result of chronic illnesses, such as obesity, diabetes, cancer heart disease and arthritis. John would treat them as he was taught, with the standard sets of pills and procedures, but very few of them became healthy. Their chronic disease didn't go away, and John quickly realized that he had severe limitations as a doctor. He also started to learn something from his patients: the first and second generation American's from Asia, the ones who are more traditional Asian staple diets of rice and vegetables, were trim, fit and not afflicted with chronic disease that plagued John's other patients. The third and fourth generation Asian American's, however, had fully adopted American's eating habits and suffered from obesity, diabetes and the whole host of other chronic diseases." (Campbell & Campbell Campbell 330)

Through his continuing his education into medical graduate school Dr. McDougall started to question more experienced doctors about the role of diet into chronic disease prevention and treatment. Even 30 years later diet in relation to health is still a controversial topic in the medical field. One mother, when speaking to her son's oncologist, inquired about the role of nutrition and diet (along with chemo and radiation) in helping her seven year old son overcome the cancerous brain tumor he had been just diagnosed with, the renowned Oncologist brushed off anything more than tracking calories as important for the moment.

A comparison of diet recommendations from the American Cancer Society, the American Diabetes Association, the American Heart Association reveal that all put fruits, vegetables and whole grains at the their top dietary recommendations for prevention and management of their prospective diseases.

"There are virtually no nutrients in animal-based foods that are not better provided by plants". The Plant–Based Foods part of the chart below is based on equal parts of tomatoes, spinach, lima beans, peas, and potatoes. The Animal-Based Foods part is based on equal parts beef, pork, chicken, and whole milk. It is used to demonstrate that there is a distinct nutritional difference in plant based foods and animal based foods. It also shows that a person gets more nutritionally out of a plant based food diet and, really, only gives of the cholesterol that one gets from an animal based food diet. (Campbell & Campbell; Campbell 230).

Nutrient	Plant-Based Foods	Animal-Based Foods
Cholesterol	___	137
Fat (g)	4	36
Protein	33	34
Beta-carotene (mcg)	29,919	17
Dietary Fiber	31	___
Vitamin C (mg)	293	4
Folate (mcg)	1168	19
Vitamin E (mg_ATE)	11	0.5
Iron (mg)	20	2
Magnesium (mg)	548	51
Calcium (mg)	545	252

Table 8 Plant vs. Animal Nutrients (Campbell & Campbell; Campbell 230)

Overall, fruits and vegetables offer low-energy density (fewer calories relative to volume) and for a more sedentary lifestyle of industrialized and developing nations may offer a healthier choice with less chance of chronic disease.

Correlation between diet and chronic disease is strong enough not to ignore. The World Health Organization argues that, "This rapid rate of change, together with the increasing burden of disease, is creating a major public health threat which demands immediate and effective action." (WHO 5) People around the world are consuming a diet comprised of densely fat, high caloric, low nutrient foods to the point to toxicity, to the point of causing costly chronic diseases. The diet and lifestyle patterns of cultures that lack the epidemic chronic diseases give a baseline for healthy living. Moderation is a relative word. The recommendation to eat meat and dairy in moderation could mean once a day to one person and to 3-5 times a day for others. When, really, it could be an ounce once a day, a cup a day. There is a strong need for clearer, braver recommendations. Removing or reducing refined foods will take education and a cultural shift. The need for a better public intervention is beyond great and as the study in Finland proves is achievable.

Dr. Campbell says,

In a publication from the famous Framingham Study, researchers conclude that for every three addition servings of fruits and vegetables a day, the risk of stroke will be reduced by 22%....If every three servings lower the risk by 22%, the benefits can add up fast (risk reduction can not exceed 100%) (Campbell & Campbell 221).

The vegan or plant based dietary practices offer the most hope right now for future generations to avoid this epidemic of chronic disease plaguing the populous of European descendants and currently finding its way into all populations. The need for a more plant based food system in urban areas is apparent. Though there is still room for meat and dairy on our plates, but perhaps once a week as opposed to every day would be enough to make a big initial impact to chronic disease.

The fact that diet can affect which genes get expressed during the life-cycle clearly demonstrates the need for as much cell protection as possible. There are no promises that diet alone will allow one can avoid disease completely. There are other factors such as physical activity and having a strong, supportive social environment that allows a person to process stress in a healthy manner that also play a part into health that were not addressed in this paper. Even the World Health Organization acknowledges that diet is the one input most people have control over (WHO 4-5).

It is my curiosity if a city with a population the size of Manhattan reduced their meat and dairy consumption to once a week and replace it with low-fat, real, plant based options what would the global health benefits be? Could it be enough to change the epidemic? Would it be enough to start to wipe out chronic disease in a few generations? It is through understanding food and having social programs in place that our culture can stop consuming a diet comprised of densely fat, high caloric, low nutrient foods to the point to toxicity thus becoming healthier and more productive.

In Michael Pollan's book in Defense of Food one of his recommendations is to "Eat mostly plants, especially leaves." (Pollan 162) but he also mentions that research has shown Flexitarians also to be as healthy as vegetarians. So to eat meat and other animal products on occasion has shown to be just as healthy as a vegetarian diet.

Ultimately, "..plants are apt to be more than the sum of their nutrient parts." (Pollan 165)

Reference:

Barnard, Neal. et al. A Low-Fat Vegan Diet Improves Glycemic Control and Cardiovascular Risk Factors in a Randomized Clinical Trial in Individuals with Type 2 Diabetes 29.8 (2006). Aug. 2006. Web. 7 Apr. 2010.

Craig, Winston J., et.al "Position of the American Dietetic Association: Vegetarian Diets" American Dietetic Association. July 2009 Volume 109 Number 7 Web

World Health Organization. Diet , Nutrition and the Prevention of Chronic Diseases. Rep. The World Health Organization, 2003. Web. 5 Apr. 2010.

Pollan, Michael. In Defense of Food, London.: Penguin Press, 2008. Print

The American Diet

2010-08-29T15:00:00.004-04:00

The Standard American Diet has become well known as SAD. Researchers and clinicians like to use the acronym because the standard American diet is associated with the prevalence to obesity and high chronic disease rates.

Quick Statistics below were taken verbatim from the American Heart Association 2006 Update on Heart Disease and Stroke Statistics:

The average daily intake of dietary cholesterol in the United States is 269.6 milligrams (mg). For males it's 323.5 mg and for females it's 218.9 mg	In 1999–2000, among children ages 2–6, 20% had a good diet, 74% had a diet that needed improvement, and 6% had a poor diet. For those ages 7–12, 8% had a good diet, 79% had a diet that needed improvement, and 13% had a poor diet.
Between 1977 and 1996, portion sizes for key food groups grew markedly in the United States, not only at fast-food outlets but also in homes and at conventional restaurants. One study of portion sizes for typical items showed that: Salty snacks increased from 132 calories to 225 calories. Soft drinks increased from 144 calories to 193 calories. French fries increased from 188 calories to 256 calories. Hamburgers increased from 389 calories to 486 calories.	Between the years 1985 to 2000 daily calorie consumption increased by 12% or roughly 300 calories. Of that increase mainly refined grains accounted for 46%, added fats 24%, added sugars 23%, fruits and vegetables 8%, with meat and dairy overall declining 1%.
The recommended daily intake of dietary fiber is 25 g or more. Americans consume a daily average of 15.6 g of dietary fiber (17.8 g for males and 13.6 g for females)	Analysis of participants in the Cardiovascular Health Study (CHS) showed that cereal fiber consumption late in life was associated with lower risk of incident CVD, supporting recommendations for elderly people to increase consumption of dietary cereal fiber.
In 2000, 81% of men and 73% of women reported eating fewer than 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. More than 60% of young people eat too much fat, and less than 20% eat the recommended 5 or more servings of fruits and vegetables each day.	The highest proportion of adults who consumed fruits and vegetables at least 5 times a day were those age 65 and older, whites, college graduates, those actively engaged in leisure-time physical activity, and nonsmokers.
Recent studies support the intake of up to 9 servings of fruits and vegetables per day.	From 1994–96 for children ages 6–19, only 14% met then-current USDA Food Pyramid recommendations for daily fruit intake (2–4 servings per day). Only 20% got enough vegetables (3–5 servings per day).
In 1980, about 50% of high school seniors reported eating green vegetables "nearly every day or more." By 2003, that figure had dropped to about 30%

(Thom et al. 45-47)

"In America, 15-16% of our total calories comes from protein and upwards of 80% of this amount comes from animal based foods. But in rural China only 9-10% of total calories come from protein and only 10% of the protein comes from animal based foods" (Campbell & Campbell 73-74). Comparing American's to a place where the rate of chronic disease is much lower.

Fat and Cholesterol

The World Health Organization compared regions of the world and found Europeans and North American's have the highest fat intake since the 1960's and also have the highest incidents of chronic disease, diseases that can be controlled through nutrition. Even though American's are eating a little less meat in the last 10 years, residents in North America (and Europe) still eat considerably more animal protein than other area's coupled with a propensity toward high-fat, sugary foods and snacks making SAD a time bomb that has already gone off; just few are recognizing the boom.

According to Chizzolini et al., "Nutritional guidelines suggest that dietary fat should provide between 15 and 30% of total calories and that saturated fats should be limited to between 0 and 10% of caloric intake." The authors go on to say, "Epidemiological and clinical studies have suggested that high-fat diets, regardless of their fatty acid distribution, increase blood cholesterol concentrations." (Chizzolini et al. 119) Cholesterol is linked to CVD, diabetes and other chronic diseases.

Animal protein is, for the most part, the only way for humans to get cholesterol into their bodies. Plants do contain trace amount of sterols whose structures are clinically the same to those of animal-based cholesterol, but it would take 1,247 pounds of vegetables to squeeze out one ounce of cholesterol. The average lean piece of chicken has about 81 (mg/100g) (Chizzolini et al 121). "Blood cholesterol is clearly an important indicator of disease risk. The big question is: how will food affect blood cholesterol?" (Campbell & Campbell 80) Cholesterol is found in animal based foods and in contrast plant based foods lower cholesterol in humans while also containing no cholesterol (Campbell & Campbell 80).

As blood cholesterol levels in rural China rose in certain counties the incidence of "Western" diseases also increased. What made this so surprising was that Chinese levels were far lower than we had expected. The average level of blood cholesterol was only 127 mg/dL, which was almost 100 points less than the American average (215 mg/dL)….In the U.S., our range is around 170-290 mg/dL…There is a myth that there might be health problems if cholesterol levels were below 150 mg/dL. If we follow that line of thinking, about 85% of the rural Chinese would appear to be in trouble…Lower blood cholesterol levels are linked to lower rates of heart disease, cancer and other Western diseases, even at levels far below those considered "safe" in the West. (Campbell & Campbell; Campbell 78)

American's now consume 300 percent more cheese since the 1970's (Bennett 3). Nutrition researcher, Dr. Campbell, argue that "casein affects the way cells interact with carcinogens, the way DNA reacts with carcinogens and the way cancerous cells grow." (Campbell & Campbell 65) Dr. Campbell contends that according to his research that milk products promote cancer growth.

A study conducted by the CDC approximated in 2005 that 32.6% of the U.S. adult population surveyed consumed fruit two or more times per day, and 27.2% ate vegetables three or more times per day. (CDC 2)

Age	Consumed Fruit 2 or more times per day
35-44 years old	27.9%
44-65	45.9%

Table 5 - American Fruit Consumption (CDC 2)

Age	Consumed vegetables 3 or more times p/day
18-24	20.9%
24-65	33.7%

Table 6 - American Vegetable Consumption (CDC 2)

Sugar Intake

Sugar intake has clearly been on the rise over the centuries.

In 1700, the average person consumed about 4 pounds of sugar per year.

In 1800, the average person consumed about 18 pounds of sugar per year.

In 1900, individual consumption had risen to 90 pounds of sugar per year.

In 2009, more than 50 percent of all Americans consume one-half pound of sugar PER DAY, 180 pounds of sugar per year! (Johnson and Grower 416)

Just a brief look at the increase of consumption over the decades it's easy to understand the obesity epidemic. According to the authors of Skinny Bitch "sugar is like crack, and food manufactures know that if they add it to their products, you'll keep coming back." (Freedman and Barnouin 27-28) According to Freedman and Barnouin, "The United States is the largest supplier of sugar-laden foods in the world" (Freedman and Barnouin 29). This paper will not have the opportunity to broach the issue with artificial sweeteners and the issues that can arise from these "calorie free" sugars. It maybe wise the heed the saying, "There are no free rides" as this should be correlated with the artificial sweeteners.

According to the USDA report of Sweetener Consumption, "The U.S. consumption of sugars added to food items increased by 23 percent between 1985 and 1999" (Haley et al. 1). In a time when the typical lifestyles use less energy for survival the demand for sugary foods has increased in contradiction to our energy output widening the American waistline.

It seems Americans are not getting a clear message of what type of nutrition it takes to maintain a healthy, disease free body. Granted there are no guarantees, and there is always exceptions such as the odd 80 year old, 2 pack a day smoker, that seems like he/she will live forever. But those cases are few and far between. The intensive program launch in North Karelia (mentioned in the Chronic Disease section near the beginning of this paper) proves that with an effective plan (coupled with strong leadership) to educate the public the average American's health can be turned toward a better direction (Puska et al 419). Side effects from an effective real plan would be would be less burdened health care system, increased productivity with less work days lost, and Medicare would require less tax payer dollars.

Reference:

Bennett, Jannequin. The Complete Vegan Kitchen. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2007. Print.

Chizzolini, R., et. al. "Calorific Value and Cholesterol Content of Normal and Low-fat Meat and Meat Products." Food Science and Technology 10 (1999). Sciencedirect.com. 25 Oct. 1999. Web. 5 Apr. 2010.

Freedman, Rory, and Kim Barnouin. Skinny Bitch: a No-nonsense, Tough-love Guide for Savvy Girls Who Want to Stop Eating Crap and Start Looking Fabulous! Philadelphia: Running, 2005. Print.

Haley et al. Electrontic Outlook Report from the Economic Research Service. Sweetener Consumption in the United States. Distribution by Demographic and Product Characteristics,
2005. USDA. August 2005 Web. 5 April 2010

Johnson, Richard J., and Timothy Gower. The Sugar Fix: the High-fructose Fallout That Is Making You Fat and Sick. Emmaus, Pa.: Rodale, 2008. Print.

Thom, Thomas et al. "Heart Disease and Stroke Statistics 2006 Update." Circulation E151 113.E85 (2006). American Heart Association. Web. 5 Apr. 2010.

United States. Center for Disease Control. Fruit and Vegetable Consumption Among Adults - - United States, 2005. CDC, 16 Mar. 2007. Web. 7 Apr. 2010.

World Health Organization. Diet , Nutrition and the Prevention of Chronic Diseases. Rep. The World Health Organization, 2003. Web. 5 Apr. 2010.

Intention

2010-08-29T08:38:00.007-04:00

Have you ever heard the saying that if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans? I re-read this old quote today in a book I bought, Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Whole Foods but Where Afraid to Ask by Christina Pirello. It caught my interest because I am looking for recipes made with whole foods (aka veggies and real spices) and not fake veggie food. It just seems to me that fake vegan cheese is just as bad as any other processed food and is counter intuitive. The author does have some soy (aka tofu based recipes - there are 31 recipes that have tofu in them out of a 296 page book) but there are plenty of recipes with titles such as Colorful Vegetable Bundles, Spicy Vegetable Soup with Corn Tortillas and Apple-Filled Acorn Squash with Curried Hempseeds. I find cooking daunting in my busy days along with my children who like to complain if the food served to them is different; but I see the need to get better and figure out a compromise between all of us involved.

On the first page the author, Christina Pirello says, "If we disconnect with nature, our life grows dead and empty. To see food only as fuel to operate our bodies is to create profound impoverishment of the spirit. We can achieve intimacy no greater than that with our food. It joins with us, becomes us, helps create our character." I know plenty of meat-eaters with good character; but I think what she is saying is when we live our lives with purpose, when we see food as something more just the feeling we get when the receptors on our tongues relay the information to our brains that we not only feed our bellies but our human spirit. It made me think of my intentions with food and otherwise. (I have an opinion, right or wrong, that perhaps making plans is foolish, but a better way might be to live with intentions.)

Side note about plans: I have trouble with the concept of long term planning because I couldn't plan my young son's cancerous brain tumor. There was no way to see that coming and in that powerful moment all I knew was my intention, hope, and the sheer force of will. The only cancer that I knew of in my son's genetic make-up was in my family, my paternal grandfather who smoked (I hear a lot) and ended up dying of lung cancer – so from a genetic standpoint I couldn't even reason it. On the other hand, my dad's stroke, not really planned - but genetics, lifestyle and stress were all things I could see brewing in the cauldron. I had thought if it did happen, it wouldn't be until his 70's; another 10 good years away. Yet, these examples of the types of stuff that has made it difficult for me to come to terms with the word 'plan' for anything more than the short term. For me, knowing my intentions helps me to stay emotionally available to change with the circumstances and maybe, in a way, helps protect from the disappointment of failed long term plans.

1. My intention with going to school for Dietetics is to make a difference. Last night it came up in a conversation that if I work in the hospital most people will not be receptive to the nutritional instructions I may someday give. This is not a new thought for me. A week doesn't not go by when I don't notice someone either at a restaurant, walking into a store or even at a concert where I don't see the effects of stroke, cancer or other chronic diseases in the faces and bodies of some of the people I pass. I'm paying attention. I notice. And for some reason it moves my soul. When I see those who are battling chronic disease, I lose a couple of tears and it doesn't seem fair that they have to spend the later part of their life not living with all parts functioning. I feel, if the super huge ice cream chocolate cookie attack wasn't as addictive as cigarettes to a smoker we might have a few less obese, a few less stroke survivors dragging a leg or holding an immovable arm. This includes the hamburgers and fries we pick up through the drive though. I would like to see if our society was healthier would we be happier? I think happiness has to start from within and if we don't feel good, I can see how being happy maybe a struggle. Maybe it will only be one person's life I make a difference in. If so, I guess it is one more life that is lived a little healthier, spending a little less money on meds and hopefully able to spend a little bit of that money on leisure and not suffering from some form of paralysis the last 10-20 years of their life.

2. It is my intention to define moderation. It seems almost everything should be okay in moderation. Or is it? I hope to one day answer this question here. I am still looking for and uncovering an answer.

3. It is my intention to be an example navigating healthy food, becoming and staying fit, having healthy relationships and finding meaningful work. It is those four things I believe make a healthy life. It is my intention to share my struggles, as honestly as possible, because there are days my sugar addiction over takes me, stress overcomes my abilities to get the most out of my day.

It is never my intention to be an expert. Only to share what I have learned so far and the choices I am making. I am an evolving human, on a journey and, some days, (especially when raising 3 boys seems CRAZY) an adventure.

I do understand the difficulty of navigating food choices. The whole state of 'Nutrition-ism' can seem like an uncertain joke at times - perhaps because fad diets that have failed many. We learn to cook from our family, our culture also. It can be very personal, especially when we are struggling.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -- WINE in one hand -- strawberries in the other -- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOOOOHOOOOOO!!! WHAT A RIDE!!!" – Author Unknown

In the same moment I can understand the quote above. To me life is about feeling good as many days as I can. It’s about being able to run up the stairs to check on my kids, it’s about being able to do the same thing with my future grandkids someday. It’s about feeling good in my skin; it’s about my dreams to travel to Prague, South America, Rome, the southern part of France and being able to walk as much as I choose as I discover the different parts of the world. It is about being the best I can be for the loves of my live, the people who I care deeply about and care about me – who it would pain for them to see me suffer. It is about being able to prove to myself that I am capable to running a marathon if I want to or just decide to take up surfing a little later in life, and being able to. I enjoy living the most when I am able to enjoy life’s experiences with those people around me, sometimes new people and sometimes with those who can complete my sentences. I loved trying skydiving in my 20’s so much I did it a couple of times and probably would have done it more if it hadn’t been cost prohibitive for me; risk is not a foreign idea to me. I enjoy pushing limits, so I do understand the quote above in that sense. Yet, it is difficult for me to understand the concept of eating for the current moment all the time, on a daily basis (I understand an evening out with friends – I understand the yumminess of a warm chocolate chip cookie) and seems like giving up on happiness in a way to me. I, myself, struggle with chocolate chip cookies and cake, oh…I do. But I try not to excuse it – I know I won’t feel good later - especially if I don’t stop myself. There was a point when I could see that the path I was heading to was the same as my relatives with diabetes - for me it was then the excuses seemed inexcusable

Meatless Monday...A Meal Idea and Elvis Peanut Butter Bananna Sandwich for dessert

2010-08-16T10:21:00.004-04:00

Even going meatless for one day will make a difference, for you and the earth. If you click on the title above it should take you to a cool video on Treehugger.com that inspires how one day can make a difference.

Lately, my favorite quick veggie meal to make is a Thai style stir fry. I put the frozen veggie in a skillet with just a little bit of water (maybe 2-3 Tablespoons) and let warm on medium heat for 3-4 minutes (make sure there is just enough water to keep it from sticking but not too much, you don't want a rice/veggie thai soup). I then add Trader Joes frozen brown rice. I just open the bag and place it in a skillet. I then add some of the sauce. I do it different combination's; sometimes I add the Peanut Sauce and Szechuan Sauce (careful - its spicy and will kick you in the pants). Other times, I just add Tamari and a little bit of Agava Necter to make a traditional Soy Sauce stir fry. Sometimes I mix all three. I typically only have to add about 2 Tablespoons of each sauce. I'm not very good at measuring when I am making recipes up on the fly. I just try to eye ball it. Remember, you don't want soup! Stir often.

In honor of Elvis's life and the 33 years since his death, why not aa after meal treat Peanut Butter Banana Grill Sandwiches...these are kind of healthy....click here to see recipe

What to Serve When Company is Coming Over?

2010-08-15T07:00:00.005-04:00

Yesterday we celebrated my oldest birthday with a party of our friends and family. I have wrestled with what I serve in my house when we have company over. (Heck, I struggle with what to feed my family on a daily basis.) So finally, this past month, I have settled one of my struggles. I decided that I will not prepare meat when company comes over. This is not an easy decision for me because I don't want to push my choices on others. My purpose is to set an example, to show it can be done. Because if we could cut into some pharma profits by getting healthier I'd be happy.

I can only think of two people over the age of 55 that are not diagnosed with some chronic disease in my life. I've started to realize that the change needs to start somewhere. That change needs to start with me. If I really love those around me I will do my best to provide the healthiest opportunities for them I can while still enjoying the fruits of life… so to speak. It started a couple of weeks ago when I had a couple of the girls from my soccer team and their families over. I tested the waters with my idea that I could provide a plant based meal for more than 15 people and have everyone enjoy it. The feedback I got was positive, so I repeated most of it for my oldest birthday celebration. I did bend and get pizza along with the roasted vegetables I served make-your-own fajita style. And of course there was birthday cake. I choose not to do goodie bags because I honestly was lacking creativity this year. I did not want to fill bags full of candy and hand them out to the kids, and I didn't want to buy a bunch of cheap, lasts-only-for-a-minute toys. The later because I feel it is wasting the resources and money. I typically throw the stuff out within hours that it arrives in my house.

Chronic disease is an umbrella term that encompasses: obesity, cardiovascular disease (CVD), cancer, diabetes mellitus. There are other chronic diseases such as different types of arthritis, multiple sclerosis, osteoporosis, even some mental disorders which are thought to have a diet/lifestyle connection.

According The World Health Organization (WHO) report of Diet, Nutrition and the Prevention of Chronic Disease, "79% of all death worldwide that are attributable to chronic disease are already occurring in developing countries." (WHO 4) WHO also projects that by 2020 "chronic disease will account for almost three-quarters of all deaths worldwide…The number of people in the developing world with diabetes will increase more than 2.5-fold, from 84 million in 1995 to 228 in 2025." (WHO 5).

Most experts agree that chronic disease is largely preventable (WHO 5). "Modern dietary patterns and physical activity patterns are risk behaviors that travel across countries and are transferable from one population to another like an infectious disease, affecting disease patterns globally." (WHO 5)

Cause of Death	Death
Diseases of the Heart	710,760
Cancer (Malignant Neoplasms)	553,091
Medical Care	225,400
Stroke (Cerebrovascular Disease)	167,661
Chronic Lower Respiratory Diseases	122,009
Accidents	97,900
Diabetes Mellitus	69,301

Table 1 - Leading Cause of Death in the United States (Campbell & Campbell 16)

According to Dr. T. Colin Campbell and Thomas M. Campbell,

Both diabetes and obesity are merely symptoms of poor health in general. They rarely exist in isolation of other disease and often forecast deeper, more serious health problems, such as heart disease, cancer and stroke. Two of the most frightening statistics show that diabetes among people in their thirties has increased 70% in less than ten years and percentage of obese people has nearly doubled in the past their years. Such an incredibly fast increase in these "signal" diseases in America's young to middle age population forecast a health care catastrophe in the coming decades. It may become an unbearable burden on a health system that is already strained in countless ways. (Campbell & Campbell 14)

In 1972 a community based CVD prevention program began in the province of North Karelia in Finland due to their high CVD mortality rates. The initial goal was to achieve a substantial decline in coronary heart disease (CHD) mortality, especially among middle-aged men through promoting cholesterol lowering dietary changes and a stop smoking campaign. A massive community approach was initiated through health services, voluntary organizations, local media, businesses and public policy. There was a considerable decline in CVD (and cancer) mortality (over 60%) among the male population in North Karelia throughout the program and beyond. "The experience of the North Karelia and Finland as a whole is a major demonstration that premature mortality from modern epidemics of CVD and cancer can be greatly reduced" (Puska et al. 424).

Reference:

World Health Organization. Diet , Nutrition and the Prevention of Chronic Diseases. Rep. The World Health Organization, 2003. Web. 5 Apr. 2010.

The Importance of the 'L' Word

2010-08-04T23:18:00.006-04:00

I have this powerful memory of my (then) 7 year old son, in a hospital gown, with blood still stuck in his baby-fine sandy blond hair left from brain surgery earlier that week. It was dark outside and our family was gathered around him, trying to keep his spirits up as he fought the pain. Along with the monitors, creamy white walls and pastel privacy curtains, we were also surrounded by a ton of little stuffed animals and gifts from family, friends, church and even strangers. There, in the middle of his 5th floor hospital room, in a uncomfortably hard, but sturdy, chair I watched as my son struggle to sit upright for the first time since his surgery. He sat and started to read the cards his classmates made for him that someone had dropped off while he was sleeping. I will forever remember the happiness, love and the warmth I saw fill his tired soul as he read those simple handmade cards from his second grade classmates. One of the little girls even signed her name with 'Love, so-and-so'. In that moment the struggle to sit upright got a little less as he went on to read the jokes (and giggled at) the boys wrote and the kind words from the rest of the girls.

The cards and all other little mementos of positive thoughts, letting him know he was surround by love, were just as important to his healing as anything else we were doing. They gave him power I couldn't alone; the doctor's couldn't, nor could his dad alone. It was almost a years' worth of months that accumulated a collective effort to not just heal Kevin through modern medicine, but also through love. I believe it worked.

Since then, I have believed strongly that love can heal physical ailments and mental anguish. And science is proving it (love it when really smart people prove me right). An article in Scientific American this past July talks about how healthy relationships increase survival up to 50%. It mentions that, "Social support has been linked to lower blood pressure, and a diverse collection of contacts is associated with better immune system functioning. The list continues to grow, she says, now encompassing other bodily processes such as wound healing and inflammation."

In a 2005 Newsweek article, Dr. Dean Ornish, author of The Spectrum also the founder and president of the Preventive Medicine Research Institute said, "… love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well. If a new medication had the same impact, failure to prescribe it would be malpractice. Connections with other people affect not only the quality of our lives but also our survival. Study after study find that people who feel lonely are many times more likely to get cardiovascular disease than those who have a strong sense of connection and community."

There is little control to how your social structure holds up in times of crisis. But what we do have control of is who we decide to be when someone we know is faces a crisis. The outreach and kindness of the community that we live in was also a huge lesson in how to react when I see others facing their times of trial. It is my tendency to want to keep to myself, mostly out of fear of saying something wrong or offending and a bit of fear of having to endure another painful loss. But it is also so hard for me not to be the shy girl. It takes every ounce of confidence I have to overcome the decades of being initially shy. Now more than ever I see the importance of overcoming this. Love is complicated.

In Monday's newspaper, within the Sexetera advice column a person wrote in asking if they should end a relationship that had just begun because in the fall the guy returns to school. Mia's response I thought was adroit, "Let the relationship play itself out. If you two are meant to be together, it'll last and if you're not, well, at least you saw it coming. If you're smart, you'll enjoy getting to know this guy but not invest too many emotions until you see where things are heading. One way to do this is by investing in your own future as well as a potential love affair. Why not? He's looking out for himself by furthering his education. I hope you're doing the same." Steve, the other writer for the column asked, "What is wrong with getting hurt?"

The point is that healthy, good, complex friendships and relationships are collectively a part of the happiness formula and a healthy life. There is a challenge and an art to balancing and blending a life with other adults. Throw in some kids and we are knitting a complicated design. It seems to me, if it all is handled enough compassion and understanding, sprinkled with just the right amount of independence and dependence that our relationships with others have the capability to extend our lives, to keep us, and our loved ones, living healthy…. maybe even greater than anything else we do to improve our health.

I recently had a nightmare about one of my children drowning. I woke up still feeling the loss even though that child is the one who woke me up from that dream. (I can't say he isn't wearing a life jacket even when he takes a bath.... Just sort of kidding.) Loving anyone, even our own children, can make even the strongest of people feel vulnerable.

There is an inherit risk when we give something (or fear the loss). But most especially when what is given is something as precious as the influential emotion, love. I think it is interesting studies show when we don't (wisely) take that risk and say, "What's wrong with getting hurt?" we actually hurt ourselves more in the long run. How ironic.

If you have a story of how love healed, I'd love to hear it!

Articles referenced in this post: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=relationships-boost-survival
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9466931/site/newsweek/
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/08/01/AR2010080102508.html?sub=AR
http://www.sanluisobispo.com/2010/07/29/1231774/sexcetera-take-a-chance-on-love.html#ixzz0vW36mmep

Going through Grandma's Recipe Box

2010-07-26T09:53:00.005-04:00

I am almost done reading/ listening to the audio of In Defense of Food by Michael Pollen. It is a good book, though I struggled with his struggle with "nutrition-ism". He went back and forth about if we should stress so much about what we eat. But in the end, his conclusion echoed a similar conclusion I came to writing my research paper last semester.

One of his suggestions, to eat foods that our grandparents would recognize as food, peaked my curiosity. So I pulled out my grandmother's recipe box and starting going through the recipes. And there, in the little boxes, was the evidence of what has caused the diabetes and CVD in my family. Upon first run through of the little boxes, it looks as though 80% of recipes I inherited are desserts. I always did associated my grandmother's house with cookies and sweets. I have fond memories of her making a point to have special days with just me and her in her kitchen. She showed me how to make her famous Peanut Brittle and Aunt Julia's (her sister) Divinity. I really do appreciate that she made time for me, and showed me the things she knew how to do well. But it is clear where my sweet tooth came from.

As I dug through the box I did come across a couple of non dessert recipes but there was hardly a recipe in there that had more than one fresh vegetable. So I think I am going to have to look back at least another generation to find some whole food recipes. More than likely I will be comprising my own collection of more modern whole food recipes. Hopefully, a generation or two from now, when (or if) my grandchild goes through my recipes, she will be able recognize that her grandmother's vegetable stir fry is still a healthy meal. It is my hope that the family history of chronic disease will truly be history by then.

Today’s Link

2010-07-22T09:39:00.001-04:00

I'm in the process of listening to Michael Pollen's audio book version In Defense of Food. I'm just in the beginning and but his premise so far, speaks of thoughts I have had over the last year about the state of the food we eat. He talks about the confusion health science has brought to our dinner table's over the last 5 decades.

Curious, I went to his website. So I thought I would share with you his 'Today's Links.'

Today’s Link

Mentioning the Gorilla

2010-07-19T10:59:00.003-04:00

I like parables, and surprisingly I found this one in a scientific paper...gotta love the Europeans...

Mentioning the Gorilla
There is a parable that speaks to us about the state of nutrition science now. The parable is about a gorilla in a room full of people. Nobody mentions the gorilla. Why? Some people think that everybody else knows why the gorilla is there. Some believe that gorillas are found only in zoos and African jungles. Many are too shy or sophisticated to be the first to mention the gorilla. Some have nothing to say about gorillas, or else think that gorillas are not their business. Some suppose that the gorilla is a puzzle to which they do not know the answer. Some think it is a joke stuffed gorilla. Some would prefer to say nothing about the gorilla until it has been measured and weighed, when they will know what it means and what to do about it. Some are frightened that if they mention the gorilla it will kill them. Some are nervous not about the gorilla but its implications: if this is true, what else is true? Many hope that the gorilla is an illusion, or else that if they say nothing it will go away. So nobody mentions the gorilla – The New Nutrition Science Project (Cannon et al. 679)

reference: Cannon, Geoffrey et al. "The New Nutrition Science Project." Public Health Nutrition 8.6a (2005). 2005. Web. 28 Mar. 2010.

Trying to Understand the Science of Diet and Gene Expression

2010-07-17T09:53:00.028-04:00

In my previous post I mentioned that during my son's chemo it hit me that if a little pill or bag of fluids could make my son so painfully sick and strip his immune system, the food he put in his body had to be doing something more than just providing energy. It seemed only logical that part of sustaining a healthy life requires good calories.

NOTE: Chronic disease refers to the following: obesity, cardiovascular disease (CVD), cancer, diabetes mellitus. There are other chronic diseases such as different types of arthritis, multiple sclerosis, osteoporosis, even some mental disorders that are thought to have a diet/lifestyle connection.

According The World Health Organization (WHO) report of Diet, Nutrition and the Prevention of Chronic Disease, "79% of all deaths worldwide that are attributable to chronic disease are already occurring in developing countries." (WHO 4) WHO also projects that by 2020 "The number of people in the developing world with diabetes will increase more than 2.5-fold, from 84 million in 1995 to 228 in 2025." (WHO 5).

Most experts agree that chronic disease is largely preventable (WHO 5). "Modern dietary patterns and physical activity patterns are risk behaviors that travel across countries and are transferable from one population to another like an infectious disease, affecting disease patterns globally." (WHO 5)

(Elliot and Ong 1439)

Nutrition research is difficult because "Humans live all sorts of different ways, have different genetic backgrounds and eat all sorts of different foods…Perhaps most importantly, food, lifestyle and health interact through such complex multifaceted systems that establishing proof for any one factor and any one disease is nearly impossible" (Campbell and Campbell 38). But what is understood is that "... diet is a key environmental factor affecting the incidence of many chronic diseases is overwhelming. The precise extent of this contribution is difficult to judge, but a reduction of 35% in the age standardised incidence of cancer in the United States has been proposed to be achievable via "practicable dietary means" (Elliot and Ong 1429).

It seems it has become clear to nutrition and health researchers the impact diet has on gene expression. A person can carry the gene for a certain disease and never have that gene turned on through environmental factors helping to regulate the genes expression.

(Elliot and Ong 1439)

The schematic demonstrates the proposed ability for diet to have an effect on gene expression. It demonstrates that the food comprised of all the protein, carbohydrates, antioxidants, and minerals can perpetuate a gene to go 'bad' thus causing disease. Nutrition Researcher and Professor Dr. Campbell mentions in The China Study, "Animal-based foods lack antioxidant shields and tend to activate free radical production and cell damage, while plant-based foods, with their abundant antioxidants, tend to prevent such damage" (Campbell & Campbell 219).

Genetic factors can increase the risk level "but environmental factors also play a key role, most probably the dominate one." Gene expression, what expresses the physical and mental challenges we will face throughout life proves the old saying, 'you are what you eat'.

This is just my simplistic understanding of what happens to our bodies as the food is processed and how it maybe correlated, along with other environmental factors (such as stress and exercise), with the diseases we may or may not face.

Reference:

Cannon, Geoffrey et al. "The New Nutrition Science Project." Public Health Nutrition 8.6a (2005). 2005. Web. 28 Mar. 2010.

Campbell, T. Colin, and Thomas M. Campbell. The China Study: the Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted and the Startling Implications for Diet, Weight Loss and Long-term Health. Dallas, Tex.: BenBella, 2005. Print

Elliott, Ruan, and Jin Ong. "Science, Medicine and the Future Nutrional Genomic." BMJ 324 (2002). 15 June 2002. Web. 2 Apr. 2010.

World Health Organization. Diet , Nutrition and the Prevention of Chronic Diseases. Rep. The World Health Organization, 2003. Web. 5 Apr. 2010.

Figuring Out the Path to Health

2010-07-17T04:27:00.002-04:00

As a child, my mom and dad where apart of a 1980's version of a co-op. We had natural peanut butter before it was more mainstreamed, my mom kept the salt shaker off the table to help my dad control his high blood pressure but still canned vegetables were found most nights on the dinner table. At least they were trying. But I can honestly say I was never given Chef Boy R Dee as a child, I don't even remember the school serving such type of food. We always had a group of lunch ladies making sure we got a mostly fresh made meal. (Just as a side bar - in the early 80's my parents also heated our in-ground pool with a solar panel system my dad built and placed on the roof of our suburban home.... much to the chagrin of the neighbors...I admire they were pretty progressive at that moment in my childhood)

At seventeen, 10 years later, I was introduced to the connection between monitoring my fat intake, exercising in order to watch my waste-line and to keep my muscles from becoming entangled in a web of lard (a.k.a fat) by my gym teacher (in case she thought no one was listening, I was). In my early twenties I watched my grandmother die slowly and painfully from diabetes and cardiovascular disease. My uncle had a debilitating stroke in his 40's and my own father has battled high blood pressure since his 30's. About 7 years ago I was becoming friends with Carole, who started to teach me about nutrition and the connection to health. While Carole and I were building our friendship, her husband was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. It was then I was introduced to Dr. Gonzales program that connected food, supplements and nontraditional cancer treatment. Unfortunately, Carole's husband quickly lost his battle with the brain tumor. But the experience was not lost on me. I started slowly moving my family to a more organic diet as best I could (despite the resistance I faced).

When we moved into our new home I really wanted a garden, so we built one. I wanted to have some control over the produce we get, so that my kids would have an opportunity to eat really fresh food and learn where food comes from. I do not have a green thumb, but with a little help from a some friends whom I have shared my garden with I have learned to grow peas, broccoli, cucumbers, etc.

A couple of years ago my family faced our own cancer crisis when my oldest son was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of 7. While spending time in the hospitals (we spent close to a year in the hospital) it was difficult not to notice that the nutrition rooms were filled with Chef Boy R Dee types of processed foods. Rarely did a fruit not come from a can, and the milk was never organic. It seemed to me, few doctors openly agreed that nutrition was as important part of my son's healing as with the multitude of therapies he had to go through.

As with most moms who are put in a position where their child's life hangs in the balance I read everything I could find about cancer and surviving. I found stories of other cancer survivors, mostly adults, and many mentioned nutrition as part of the healing and wellness process. I pushed the organic diet even harder with the rest of the family that was not quite on board with me earlier. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that if a little pill can make my son so painfully sick and strip his immune system, the food he put in his body had to be doing something more than just providing energy. As I learned more about cancer cells, tumor growth and the machine we call our bodies it seemed only logical that sustaining a healthy life requires good calories. But my yearning for knowledge on chronic disease and cellular function did not end with my son's treatment.

When I returned to work after my son's treatment I found that my heart was no longer in my work as the Operation Officer for the small company where I worked. The work felt empty, and it showed in my lack for productivity. It has caused me to return to school to get my degree as a Dietitian.

This past March my almost 60 year old dad suffered a debilitating stroke. It wasn't really a surprise. He was battling diabetes and high blood pressure and the meds were starting not to work. Still, after arriving in the emergency room, seeing my dad unable to speak clearly or move half of his body, the fear that this could happen again to someone I love, or even me, has motivated me even more. Honestly, I am sick of diseases that seem to be hitting those I love younger and younger.

I have since made the decision to make sure I get at least 80-95% of my diet from plants. I have completely cut out meat and try to keep all dairy to 5% of my diet. To some it might sound crazy, some even believe it is unhealthy, but my research shows that is wrong. I've decided to document my path to this change - to talk about what has brought me to this radical idea that maybe I can avoid the CVD that plagues my family history; maybe even take a few people with me to less dependence on medicine, more days of health.

One Moms Take on Health Care Reform...Where Did the Term 'Socialized Medicine' Come From Anyway?

2009-08-30T14:41:00.012-04:00

1 in 2 men will battle some form of cancer in their lifetime, 1 in 3 women will face cancer in their lifetime(1). In other words, if you’re a man you have a 50/50 chance of facing the cancer demon. Woman slightly less. Having lived among children battling cancer, having seen cancer steal youth and life from our young has caused me to think about this ‘health care reform’ our nation is battling over. Maybe ‘think’ is too nonchalant; I’m practically obsessed and very worried. I am Christian. Most of my family and close friends tend to be republican. Most are against ‘socialized medicine’. Few may realize that Kevin’s treatment was originally denied by our insurance company until I signed a waiver allowing the St. Jude administrative staff and attorneys handle the denial. Even with them on my side our insurance company still denies some of services Kevin requires. Kevin was blessed to be at the best place for his type of cancer. I was blessed because Danny Thomas and his friends believed that I and every other parent who is lucky to get their kid into St. Jude if the word cancer is apart of a doctor’s diagnosis not worry about the bills but worry about getting through the intense treatment. They believed they could make a difference in other less fortunate lives and did so successfully.

I never fully understood the cost of cancer until last year. Emotionally, financially, career, education, family, everything can be compromised with a cancer diagnosis. Cancer doesn’t run in my family. The only person I had watched battle cancer was my friend’s husband just a few years before we learned of Kevin’s brain tumor and they had chosen an alternative route for treatment. There is no child there who smoked, drank too much and lived a bad lifestyle to have asked for this illness. They haven’t been on the planet long enough. I think most educated people understand that.

In the effort to understand I have been doing a little history digging and was surprised to learn that ‘health care as a fundamental right and not a privilege’(2) is not as new of an idea as I had thought. The history of health care for all began with Teddy Roosevelt in 1912(3) with his campaign promises of national health care insurance, woman’s suffrage, and safe working conditions for factory workers. The need for health care insurance had risen from the dawn of modern medicine as we know it which began in the 1920’s. That's when doctors and hospitals began charging more than most individuals could easily pay. ‘To close this gap, which worsened with the advent of the Great Depression, the administrator of Baylor Hospital in Dallas created a system that caught on elsewhere and eventually evolved into Blue Cross. The Blues were essentially nonprofit health insurers who served local community organizations like the Elks. In exchange for a tax break, Blue Cross organizations kept premiums reasonably low.’(4)

In the 1940’s President Roosevelt asks Congress for "economic bill of rights," including right to adequate medical care for all

U.S. citizens. The medical care for all failed. Shortly after his election, President Truman offered a national health program plan, proposing a single system that would include all of American society. The plan was denounced by the American Medical Association (AMA), and called a Communist plot by a House subcommittee.

We all know that premiums are no longer reasonably low and that corporations are scaling back their health care. In short we are getting less coverage for more costs. For the small 6 person company I work for health care insurance costs went up 11% last year and 14% this year. Our sales are down at least 50% this year, it is almost impossible not to pass the increase onto our employees who are not getting any raises and in some cases have taken pay cuts. This story is being repeated over and over again and I know the small company I work for is not alone in this. Employer based health care began in the 1940’s just as penicillin came into use and wage controls were implemented on American companies. Employers began to offer health care insurance as an employment benefit to attract employees.(5)

This leads into one of the many issues with our current health care insurance system that is mostly dependent upon employment when you couple that with the stats that 1 in 2 men will battle cancer at some point in their lives and 1 in 3 women. As of right now the Family Medical Leave Act only allows for 3 months off without pay. Some corporations have nice leave policies and there is hope of keeping your medical insurance (because of the riders the company has with the insurance company) and possibly your job through a health care crisis. You may or may not have an income during this time; that is mostly depending on your disability insurance. But the number of people of who actually keeps their jobs through a major medical crisis is getting less and less. Medical bills are the biggest contributor to bankruptcy. It destroys futures of children, hopes of retirement. Even with St. Jude making sure our medical insurance understood that the treatment in Memphis cost considerable less that the treatment offered at our home hospital along with a better success rate. Our insurance still did not reimburse St. Jude for some of Kevin’s preventive care screening such as hearing tests to see if one of the chemo drugs was affecting his hearing, as it does cause hearing loss in some patients. Kevin’s left foot drags similar to a stroke victim, a year out of treatment. We are so happy to have Kevin alive and forever grateful for the extra time we have with him, but he still has hurdles that St. Jude does not cover and it is questionable if our medical insurance will cover it. As it is Kevin is a liability to the insurance company, dragging down shareholder value. Herein lies my other problem with our current system.

I don’t believe in quick fixes and the current proposal isn’t foul proof, it will need tweaking as we move through it…… if we can ever get past the first step at least we are heading toward something better. I do recognize that this current system only takes care of an increasingly elite group. I believe strongly in the good in majority of people. I experienced it first hand last year. So I am baffled as to why it is some believe that health care is a privileged mostly only for the educated and at least the low end of middle class? Health care even for the lower middle class is disappearing as I type this.

Kevin and other kids who have survived cancer aren’t considered easily insurable after their 25th birthday and can no longer be on their parent’s insurance. And they have done nothing wrong, they have overcome something incredible difficult and yet are punished in the current health care insurance system we have. I have remained relatively healthy for three decades, paying into a system I have barely used except for 3 pregnancies which produced children that Mike’s company now pays into the system for. 2 of them are considered healthy and require very little medical care as of yet.

In short, I would take something as opposed to nothing; some guarantee that Kevin and kids like Kevin won’t lose the insurance that is really important to their livelihood especially as they grow older and face the repercussions of what we did to their bodies to extend their lives. I have trouble seeing the difference between a governments empowered body helping determine my son’s care verses an insurance company that is worried about the bottom line. Our American insurance companies have moved from shared risk to making profits for shareholders. Choosing money over life, which seems fine to some because everyone is entitled to make money…. as long as it’s not your child’s life on the line.

A few last thoughts. Poverty breeds crime, if a family is placed into poverty because of a health care crisis, where does it leave the children? I believe in building strong communities to build a strong society. We are all in this together and what happens to one effects us all eventually unless you live on an island with no other humans.

Earlier this week as I was listening to the news about the Middle East it occurred to me what prevents American Christians from being brain washed too? I mean like Germans before World War II? Propaganda that plays on fear need to be watched carefully, fear is such a strong emotion. I think politicians and religious leaders need to be put on notice for their fear tactics. The question here is so basic and simple. Should everyone have access to adequate health care without having to mortgage the house and the kid’s futures?

For those worried about the increase in taxes that this proposed insurance for all will place on them I ask a few questions, are you afraid that these taxes will not allow you to make the mortgage, be able to clothe and feed your children because of the tax burden? For those families facing a health crisis those are legitimate concerns. Too many of our senators are in the same upper tax bracket as those who are so concerned about the increase tax burden. I am confident they aren’t going to undermine upper incomes too much.

It seems apparent there are not enough volunteers at our city children’s hospitals to be with the children who are in the hospital there alone most of the day with no parent because the parent(s) have to work to keep their health care and pay the bills. Kevin has spent enough time at our city children’s hospital for me to see there is so much need and I wish everyone was as lucky as we are, because our friends and friends of friends cared enough to make sure we didn’t lose our house last year, that I wasn’t alone with an infant, nor wasn't able to take leave from my job while trying to get Kevin through treatment.

(1)American Cancer Society 2009 Cancer Statistics Presentation

(2) Ted Kennedy Dec 9, 1978 Memphis Tenn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhYtMm

(3) NY Times Roosevelt’s Own Creed Set Forth, http://www.nytimes.com/packages/flash/health/HEALTHCARE_TIMELINE/1912_roosevelt.pdf

(4)A Short History of Health Care by Timothy Noah, Slate Magazine March 13,2007

(5) PBS Health Care Crisis Timeline http://www.pbs.org/healthcarecrisis/history.htm

Quality

2009-07-21T23:30:00.002-04:00

Note: This is a repost of something I wrote back in 2005.

From late childhood through adolescents I was told over and over again by teachers, parents, even my grandparent how important it is to have an understanding of history. “History has a way of repeating itself if we don’t learn the lessons from the previous generations.” My grandfather told me when I was about 8, that thought has stuck with me. As I have been researching the history of quality I came across a website that was in memory of Homer Sarasohn. You are probably wondering who is Homer Sarasohn? (As I was when I first came across it.) So I give to you a brief history lesson in American and Japanese quality taken from A Lesson Learned and a Lesson Forgotten by Robert Chapman Wood.

In 1946, shortly after American occupation of Japan began, General Douglas MacArthur urgently wanted Japan to mass-produce radios so that U.S. Occupation authorities could reach every Japanese village quickly with its messages. A young radio product engineer during World War II who had become radar engineer at MIT and Raytheon shortly after the war, received a telegram from General MacArthur requesting he report to headquarters at the earliest possible date. At 29 years of age, Homer Sarasohn was instructed to help the Japanese produce radios and communications equipment.

When arriving in Japan, Sarasohn found that the Japanese knew about electronics, yet the philosophy on production was making half of your products okay and throwing the other half out.

A couple of years of unreliable radios Sarasohn along with Charles Protzman a Western Electric engineer concluded quality products would never be produced in Japan without basic modern management training. Sarasohn and Protzman developed a training course that would teach the Japanese the basics that they needed to know.

‘The Occupation's Economics and Social Section objected to the seminar."They said we might be too successful," recalls Sarasohn. It was perhaps the understatement of the century. But both the ESS people and the CCS engineers made 20-minute presentations before MacArthur. The ESS warned of the perils of Japanese competition. Sarasohn insisted that it would ultimately be more practical to teach the defeated and starving nation to be self-sufficient. After both sides had finished, says Sarasohn, MacArthur turned to him, snapped, "Go do it," and walked out of the room.’

On the first page of the courses text, a motto used at Newport News Shipbuilding was cited: "We shall build good ships here; at a profit if we can, at a loss if we must, but always good ships."

The gist of the message that was imparted to his Japanese pupils:

Every company needs a concise, complete statement of the purpose of the company's existence, one that provides a well-defined target for the idealistic efforts of the employees.

Companies must put quality ahead of profit, pursuing it rigorously with techniques such as statistical quality control.

Every employee deserves the same kind of respect follow managers receive, and good management is "democratic management." Lower-level employees need to be listened to by their bosses.

Sarasohn and Protzman's pupils went on to become a Who's Who of Japan's electronics industry. They included Matsushita Electric's Masaharu Matsushita; Mitsubishi Electric's Takeo Kato; Fujitsu's Hanzou Omi; Sumitomo Electric's Bunzaemon Inoue; Akio Morita and Masaru Ibuka, the founders of what is now Sony Corp. This cadre of leaders spread the principles throughout Japanese industry.

I wonder if much of this is lost here in the U.S. now. The evening news tells of CEO’s milking U.S. companies in the name of money and greed. It seems to be all about profitability and “shareholder value”. I understand a company can not survive without being profitable but at what expense?

So this is my brief history lesson for what it is worth. If you are interested in more information I recommend:

A Lesson Learned and a Lesson Lost: http://deming.eng.clemson.edu/pub/den/files/lesson.txt

And Honoring Homer http://honoringhomer.net/

The Lincoln Memorial

2006-02-21T23:22:00.000-05:00

It was an odd occasion I found myself in last week. Sitting at Subway (think sandwiches not NYC) with just my husband across from me. Most of our conversation was centered on the house and all the projects that needed to be done. We also talked about my oldest that had just learned about our country’s 16th president, Abraham Lincoln. I was telling hubby about how excited little K was when he came home telling me all the things he had learned about good ol’ Abe Lincoln. I asked hubby if there was anyway he could take the following week off. He said no. I told him I would like to take the kids to visit his family who live on the outskirts of DC. Little K has the week off from school and I thought this would be a great moment for the kids to see the family AND the Lincoln Memorial.

So I made the drive, me, my two little ones. The first day we spent at my sister-in-law’s with her two boys that are close to my oldest age. That evening we went to Chuck E Cheese with almost every one of my in-laws for dinner. My boys and their cousins had a great time. I had forgotten how expensive Chuck E Cheese is. But we all had a good time and the kids got some cheap toys that lasted less than 5 minutes.

My father in-law, who is recently retired, has volunteered to be our tour guide, which I am very grateful for. Today we took the kids to the Smithsonian, the Lincoln Memorial, the Vietnam Memorial and the Korean War Memorial. Little K was so happy to get his picture taken with Lincoln. He is looking forward to taking it in for his share day at school. But I think the kid’s favorite part was the Bugs exhibit at the Smithsonian and of course the dinosaurs (which we go to almost every time we are here).

It is odd having to do the kids bath time all by myself. Typically hubby does that job. I am not so good at it. I got yelled at by my oldest for not doing it right. Oh, well.

I Must Admit to Some Tree Hugger Tendencies.

2006-02-18T11:36:00.001-05:00

As I have watched much of the forests come down in the last 3 years in my area, I have been curious about what we are doing to our environment; our air quality. My understanding of science is pretty basic, but in elementary I learned we get the oxygen we breathe from trees and other green living plants that surround us. The recent landslide that killed 1,500+ people is being blamed on the recent rains and the logging industry, even though they pulled out over 10 years ago. Recently I found a climate change calculator. It allowed me to select average household for questions such as how much electricity and natural gas does your household use (so I didn't have to go searching through all of my bills last year and figure out my average). It also took into consideration the gas mileage of my car and the amount of miles I drove last year. I drive a 4 cylinder manual transmission. My gas mileage is an average of 27 miles per gallon. With all that information it calculated my household has an annual CO2 emissions of 47.8 tons. It also calculated the annual number of new trees needed to absorb that amount of CO2, which are 144 trees. I was shocked. I was expecting something closer to 90 trees for a lifetime. If you would like to calculate the number of trees it takes to sustain your household, you can at: http://www.americanforests.org/resources/ccc/

Top 10 Reasons Why Trees Are Valuable and Important
1) Trees Produce Oxygen
1 Mature tree can give enough oxygen to support 10 living breathing people. The forest also acts as a giant filter that cleans the air we breath.

2) Trees Clean the Soil
Trees can either store harmful pollutants or actually change the pollutant into less harmful forms. Trees act as a filter for our soil.

3) Trees Control Noise Pollution
Trees muffle urban noise almost as effectively as stone walls.

4) Trees Slow Storm Water Runoff
Flash flooding can be dramatically reduced by a forest or by planting trees.

5) Trees Are Carbon Sinks
6) Trees Clean the Air
7) Trees Shade and Cool
8) Trees Act as Windbreaks
A windbreak can lower home heating bills up to 30% and have a significant effect on reducing snow drifts.

9) Trees Fight Soil Erosion
Tree roots bind the soil and their leaves break the force of wind and rain on soil. Trees fight soil erosion, conserve rainwater and reduce water runoff and sediment deposit after storms.

10) Trees Increase Property Values
Trees can increase the property value of your home by 15% or more.

http://forestry.about.com/gi/pages/mproduct.htm
Whats was your CO2 number?

1989

2005-09-18T00:40:00.001-04:00

We were all watching the Cosby Show, Who’s the Boss?, and L.A Law. It was also the year Lucille Ball passed away and U.S. jury convicted Oliver North in Iran-Contra affair. Def Leopard was big on the local radio, my hair required lots of hair spray, and my mom had me convinced my fine hair required a perm and I looked better as a blonde. It was also beginning of a defining age for me. Other than hair, midway through my 14th year I had started rebelling against my parents in almost every form I could.

Until that point I had been caught between two worlds, my family’s Mormonism and trying to fit in my public school. Somehow I never managed to fit within the ideal Mormon precincts, but as it is easy to do and I did find a way to fit in at school.

I was born a strong headed girl who also wanted to please her parents so much. It was such an internal battle within my mind until 14. That year I ‘went with’ my first boyfriend; and my first kiss. He was a year older than me and as far as I could tell, popular with the ladies. I wasn’t supposed to date until 16 but managed to find loop holes in my parent’s, and the church's, rules. I usually saw him at chaperoned events, which we managed to find weekly. We ‘went with each other’ (a.k.a. ‘go steady’, but we would have never use that terminology) for 6-8 months, I can’t remember exactly, but it was a long time for someone that age. We only kissed, life was so much simpler. For someone who had been an very awkward, the end of middle school was shaping up. I had grown to my current height by then and weighed in at 100 lbs. Shortly after ‘breaking up’, my freshman year of high school, 14 to 15, I managed to sneak out on a regular weekend basis. Once I stole my dad’s car to aid my girlfriend in running away from her crazy divorced parents, and I also tried my first beer, but not the two at the same time. Yet, perhaps by grace, somehow I managed to stay away from things like drugs. It’s not like I didn’t run into them, I was sneaking out of the house and going to parties we really shouldn’t have been at, but I never tried drugs. My parents, especially my mom, always thought I was out there doing these really wild things, but I wasn’t as bad as she accuses me of being. In all honesty I just wanted to hang out and I wanted to be away from my parents, it was a bit of finding out whom I was and it was a bit of an escape. This had also been the year that my mom’s neurosis really started to become apparent to me. I needed an escape that wouldn’t change the chemical composition of my mind.

That brief moment of my life taught me that I had a rebellious spirit that really didn’t want to harm myself or others. I also learned that I had to try in school. Within the year of rebelliousness my grades fell to their worst because I never studied. I learned I have to study; knowledge doesn’t come easy to me. After that year of pushing the limits, I found a better outlet in an actually getting good grades and an after school job that gave me some much needed confidence.

But that rebellious spirit will always be apart me.

My husband and I are back to an aperture in our marriage. We go through times like these a little more than a couple times a year. Time is making it easier to deal with; age is allowing me wisdom not to be too dramatic about these rifts that I don’t quite understand yet. I also now know it is not the end of the world. But it does feel really lonely and cold during these times. I want to find a way to still find laughter together during these times and I don’t think it is possible for him to want to be anymore far away from me. We can’t talk during these times because he says is nothing changes so therefore there is nothing to talk about. I can’t help but think we are selling ourselves short. I reassure myself that he will eventually come out of this funk.

It is also these times I tend to spend more time away from the house. I take the kids to my parents more often, or find things to keep us busy away from him. Lately I have found myself starting to think about taking the kids all the way cross country by myself for a long weekend. (I don't know if I will actually do it.) There is a zoo out west that I visited a few years ago and I know my kids would love it. A friend of mine has a place nearby that is sitting empty right now. I also have enough frequent flyer miles for the trip. I feel guilty, but don’t really want my husband to come with us; I want a break from his snide comments he casually slips into conversations every now and then; his coldness and the disappointment that radiants from him anytime we are in the same room together. Maybe it would be nice to include him, a break maybe he needs himself, but right now I don’t like the thought of including him.

I wish my rebellious soul would just rest and I could put my pride aside.

Why I Hate Comcast

2005-09-14T23:01:00.003-04:00

I feel like the cable company (Comcast) has a monopoly in my area. There is little to no other choice, aside from Dish Network, for cable out here. It is even worse for high speed internet because there is no alternative. I feel so sucked into giving them my hard earned money. This whole thing starts a little over a week ago when I called to order service. I was having trouble getting phone service set up because the previous owners had Talk America and apparently Talk America does a soft shut off so the service isn’t turned off at the box like the phone company I wanted to go with requires. So I asked for phone service along with the high speed internet from Comcast thinking company ABC wasn’t ever going to be able to turn my phone service on the old fashion way. Late last week I FINALLY got phone service. So I called Comcast to cancel my phone service order, but said I still needed the high speed internet. I thought I was very clear about it. Sure enough the lady who took my call screwed it up and canceled the internet and not the phone.

Great! I spent most of yesterday getting the run around and being told it would take another week to get me service. I need internet acess for my job. I only go into the office two days a week. I am expected to keep up with my email and messages during the week days I am not in the office. SO the guy from Comcast, Percy, tells me they will be out at 4:00 that day to hook me up. No one shows up. I figure I better call by 4:30 because within the next half an hour no one will be there. I find out that I was really scheduled for the next day, between 9:30-12:30 at some point someone will show up at my house. If I hadn’t called how as I to know someone was going to be at my house? I am to the point I ask to talk to a supervisor and I am raising my voice on the phone. All I was given was apologies and lots of time (about 1 hr) of being on hold and being told I don’t know why anyone would tell you 4:00 that day. And apparently the next day wasn’t scheduled correctly, so if I hadn’t called I would have had an appointment for service but no one would have shown up?!? If I didn’t have to use them at this point, I wouldn’t!!!!!!

The cables guys showed up today at 12:15ish. They installed the cable internet line in the office, but didn’t have the start up CD. It appears to be okay because apparently I can do it online myself. Cable guy #1 says he can do it but it will cost me more money. Theses guys had been just walking into and out of my house without announcing themselves. At one point they drove down the street and climb up a telephone poll, then came back and just walked right in. “Really, I want to give your company more money?!?” I thought. I had Cable guy #1 reassure me I could do it on my own. The minute he left I got an error and had to call tech support to find out my modem hadn’t been registered all the way. The tech support lady was nice and helpful, even friendly which is more than I have gotten from anyone at Comcast to this point. When I was done with the tech questions I asked her about my bill. I was told I was going to be paying the $19.99 a month special they had been running on TV. The bill I was left with today said $42.99. So she has to transfer me to sales.

Great, fabulous, I just LOVE spending more time on the phone! The lady proceeded to question 'who told me I was getting $19.99 special?' and I told her the lady who originally took my order, 'doesn't your company track that?!?'. I said I had seen it on TV and had requested it. Then the sales lady proceeded to tell me that I am paying the $19.99. I asked then why does the bill I was left with today say $42.99? She goes on to say on my bill there should be a $23 discount. “BUT THERE ISN’T ONE ON THE BILL!” I stated sternly. I just want to kick something, but don't. She then tells me I can call any of the other reps if I don’t believe her. I asked to speak to a manager and the request was ignored. I was belittled when I asked why anyone isn’t trying to make me happy? All I was getting was a lot of being put on hold and screw ups. I am a very unhappy costumer. She asks me what I want. Not in a kind way at all either. I honestly felt like she was trying to start a fight with me. I got off the phone and cried. How can a company be so ill managed, rude and disrespectful and be so profitable? Probably because there is no other choice.

I had no idea.....

2005-09-09T13:56:00.000-04:00

I had no idea that it is going to take months, possible years to settle into our new home. I had no idea that my darling children would choose this time to test every ounce of patience I have. My two-year-old’s new thing is to run up and hit his older brother and then run away giggling. There is now frequent wrestling matching in the midst of all the boxes and I have trouble telling the difference between playing and a fight. I had no idea that my husband could start so many projects and then leave them half finished along with tools all over the place. Really, I was this clueless.!!!!!

Out of Her Element

2005-08-22T01:48:00.000-04:00

I used to live in this metropolitan suburb in my early 20’s. So I didn’t think much of moving back for such a short period as I had lived here before.

I feel as though my life has been incredibly blessed (my life’s not perfect but I know it is by God’s grace I am as comfotable as I am). I also know within my heart I am supposed to give something back, I just don’t know what the timing will be.

The first homeless person I met was a middle aged African American lady who I noticed in the local park, not far from our condo. We had walked up to a small park and I noticed her sitting on one of the picnic tables’ bench. Previously, I had done a little work with some of the county shelters, mostly helping out with holiday fundraising, but I was aware enough of what the system is suppose to look like. While my son and husband were playing on the playscape, I went over and talked to her. I had never in my life gone out and purposely sought out a conversation with a homeless person, but my heart urged me to go speak to her. I did, starting with hello and as I did so I glanced over at my husband who I could tell thought I was crazy. She spoke to me about not knowing where she was going to sleep that night and not knowing what she was going to do. Maybe I was the 100th person who was trying to help this lady find her way, maybe I was the 1st. I told her about some of the shelters I knew of. She asked which bus stop should she get off at and since I have never ridden the bus I was unable to answer that question. I told her I would be back with an answer. I gathered my family as dusk was approaching, then I went home and called the shelters. Or I should say tried to call the shelters. Equipped with the internet, yellow pages and a telephone I had trouble finding a crisis line, how are homeless people suppose to find it???? It the hours are M-F, 9am -5pm; they seem so easy to get a hold of when you want to give them money!!! Finally I found one and called just to check, they would take her if she showed up. My step brother had stopped by while I was looking for the phone number and he drove me back up to the park as I didn't want to go alone. I gave her the phone number of the shelter and $2 for a phone call and bus fare. She tried to refuse the money, but I just asked her to use it wisely for I have been blessed with a little extra. I haven’t seen her at that park since and we go there almost every evening.

The second homeless person I met just a couple of days ago was convinced he was a WWII veteran. Honestly, he looked a too little young to me to really be a WWII vet, maybe old enough to be a Vietnam vet, but that is even questionable now I guess. No matter, apparently he had lost his marbles. I still don’t believe that mental illness is any reason for a person to live without a roof over their head. He was trying to sell little American flags during a recent local festival. We just passed him by like every other person that evening, but of course I felt guilty. I passed him again with my sister and couldn’t help but give him at little more than enough for coffee.

Within the last 2 months I have encountered more homeless than I ever did in the 4 years I lived here, 4 years ago. There are more that I have noticed around here than I have actually come in contact with.

Then today at the gas station, as I was putting gas in my car, a man approached me asking for a couple of dollars for gas. I let him have less than 2 gallons of gas as I wasn’t going to give him cash. The gas station attendant came out and said the man frequently does that there. I had been scammed, or at least it felt like it. He was driving an old beat up car. Who knows what the real story is.

All this reality is leaving me wanting to move back to my sheltered community as I feel so naïve and out of place. And there is a new yearning to eventually try to do something, in some small way, to fix the system that is apparently broke in more ways than one; hopefully my naiveté won’t go away.

The Prophet On Love by K. Gibran

2005-07-18T00:33:00.002-04:00

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
By K. Gibran

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K. Gibran has been one of my favorite writers since I was a child. My mother bought me The Prophet when I was starting to show an interest in writing, and it is still my favorite book. I still occasionally open the pages of my original book for inspiration, perspective and sometimes just to enjoy the flow of the written word beautifully expressed. For more information on him click here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khalil_Gibran
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Wal-Mart???

2005-06-14T22:51:00.000-04:00

Is Wal-Mart good for America? I am beginning to think we can not survive on Wal-Mart jobs alone. Is lowering the cost of goods, yet, mostly providing low-income jobs really the direction we want to go? Where our standard of living going? Is it improving or declining? Is this reason for concern?

I am all for fair trade, but I don't think fair trade is trading with countries who have no regard for human rights, human safety, sweat shops. I really think it is time we set standards for what we allow in the country. Is our government being bought off by the Chinese?

On the other side, I have bought things at Wal-Mart that have been made here. They sell the toys that are made less than 2 miles from my home.

I worry about what types of jobs are going to be around in 10-15 years from now. What is the future going to be like for my children? Should I be teaching my kids 5 languages just so they can leave the country and find a decent job?

Other interesting reads:
America's Maligned and Misunderstood Trade Deficit

Just thoughts,
Rachel

Elizabeth

2005-05-26T08:19:00.000-04:00

Betty is probably in her 70’s and has osteoporosis. As far as I could tell last year she lived alone, or at least I thought. She lives in a 1960’s lakefront ranch, which is well maintained but has never been updated. She and the older widowed lady next door were surprisingly supportive of my quest to put sewers in the neighborhood (I didn’t tend to get much fan fare from the senior citizens on my block). But what really struck me about Betty is she is the only one who seemed to realized what the sewer project was costing me out of my own pocket. I had people volunteer to help pass out information and get signatures on the petition, which most quit after they saw how difficult it really was. Some of them I know make 3 times as much as my husband and I. None of them offered to help pay for the copying or creating signs to remind neighbors about the meetings except for Betty. She was the only senior citizen that I came across who was thankful for what I was trying to do, offered financial assistance, and any other help I might need. I declined the offer, but her offer of support and enthusiasm for the project helped keep me going when I wondered if it was really ever going to happen.

A couple weeks ago, on a warm sunny morning as I was pushing my youngest in a stroller through our neighborhood, we came across Betty and a male companion walking and enjoying the beautiful day also. They were holding hands, talking up a storm, giggling, and flirting like you would expect to see in a much, much younger couple. I’m not sure who the man is but he certainly puts a bright smile on her face. When we stopped to chat, he seemed very happy also. They had that beam that people in love have for one another. It is nice to be reassured that love, the type of love that breaths life into your soul, has no age barriers.

SOLD!

2005-05-13T23:33:00.000-04:00

Our little house is sold; time to move. I’m not sad about leaving the house (I need more space of my own), but my neighbors, the view…..that makes me really sad. Of course, my neighbor, Terry brought over some plants he potted for me while we were signing the papers last night. Now we have to find a place to live! I just want to be on some remote island by myself right now.

They Don’t Make Them Like That Anymore

2005-04-29T07:54:00.000-04:00

He always tries to get the door for women. He cleans the snow off of his wife’s, daughters and stepdaughters cars in the morning. He will even warm up their cars up if there is time. He likes to surprise his family with breakfast in bed on Saturdays; he is legendary for his waffles. He can change the oil in the car and build walls to finish the basement. He plays with his grandchildren; he tries to teach them the piano and French when they spend time together; to him, they are a delight. He is willing to change his grandson’s diaper if it needs to be. He holds firm to the notion of chivalry, believes in god, importance of family, and that none of this makes a man less of a man. He lives without really saying much, I think he believes his actions are louder than any words can be. They are.

My dad is an amazing man. I never really noticed how amazing until I watched him with my children. Our relationship is much different now that I have kids of my own. All those little things that my dad would do, I thought just to annoy me, no longer bother me so much. I see my father in a totally different light now. I don’t judge him as harshly anymore because life has taught me it isn’t always simple; I know he has tried to do the best he can. I only hope someday my kids can see me the same way, not perfect but doing the best I can.

I’ve Been Taken Hostage!

2005-04-28T10:01:00.000-04:00

I am being held captive, though I am only now realizing this. My captor speaks with a slow childish drawl. He seems to have problems pronouncing his words, except for the word 'candy'. I can make that one out very clearly. He can count, “1, 5, 3, 4". While trying to get ready for the day this morning, my hostage taker insisting he follow me down the stair, apparently there wasn’t enough time to finish getting ready. “Go!” He demanded, trying to turn my body to face down the stairs. “Walk!” I wasn’t sure if he meant I should start walking, or he was going to walk. “Ifford!” He demanded once down to the TV room. “Time out or ask nicely!” I rebutted. “Ifford, please.” While he took his seat. I pressed the play button on the DVD player. He immediately jumped up, pushed me into the kitchen. “Stay!” he barked. He returned to the TV room. I peered around the corner to spy him dancing to the Clifford, The Big Red Dog, intro song. The coast was clear. I quietly crept past the room and made my way back upstairs to finish getting ready.

My captor is about 2.5 feet and waddles when he walks. Most strangers think he is really cute; he can be charming when absolutely needed. He is prone to whining fits, has a good throwing arm (I am always amazed at how far he can throw his food), he can climb tall buildings, I think. He eats cookies partially then tries to put them back. If you see the man who help to make my captor (he looks alot like my captor but much larger and without the waddle), please tell him his wife needs a long vacation without the “cute” captor.

Star Wars

2005-04-14T00:19:00.000-04:00

I was about 3 years old when the original Star Wars came out and can’t say I picked up much of the hype then. It was The Empire Strikes Back that was probably the first movie I ever saw in the theater. I must confess there is still apart of me that wants to be Princess Leia when I grow up. She was strong and dedicated to her cause, but still feminine; she could fight off Imperial Storm Troopers just as well as her cohorts, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. Plus do it all, for the most part, in some form of dress or in the case of Return of the Jedi, almost nothing (I can’t say I would ever want to wear anything like that in public, much less around my brother!).

I am sure someone can poke holes in why Princess Leia was a good role model. In my view, she had a high level political position which was pretty cutting edge for that day; she was able to keep up with the men and still could show a compassionate side. Plus she fell for Han Solo (though I did personally have a crush on Luke Skywalker when I was 7) how much more of a superwoman could she be? Battle the evil forces of Darth Vader, be the youngest senator ever in the Imperial Senate and still have time for romance?

Now that my 4 year old is getting into the Star Wars trilogy, we are watching the movies. I find I am the one drawn to the Star Wars toys at the store. I have to regulate myself. Truth be told, I haven’t exactly grown up. I am not sure this part of me ever will. One of the things I love about being a mom is reliving my childhood a little with my children. It is so amazing to get down on their level and see it through their un-jaded eyes.

Passage

2005-03-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

In order to understand our own passage I think we need to understand the one of the people we come from. This story starts with the past and hopefully makes its way to the present.

I grew up in a multigenerational Mormon (otherwise known as the Latter Day Saints) family. My parents are Mormon, my grandparents were Mormon. About five generations behind me, on my father’s side, my ancestors blazed a trail that started in Denmark for one, in England for the other. Both helped with the construction of what was to become Salt Lake City. One ended his years in Mexico and the other just outside of Salt Lake City. The generations between my pioneer ancestors and me have been devoted Mormons. I will always honor where I came from even though my own passage has caused me to leave the faith in which I was raised.

Thomas Steed

I recently came across my paternal grandmother’s grandfather journal. In it he, Thomas Steed, tells of his trip from becoming Mormon in Worcestershire, England in 1840, at the age of 14 to near his end at 84 years old in Farmington, Utah.

It starts with his parents which he describes his mother being, “of medium size, patient, very religious, naturally kind, open hearted and generous to a fault, giving almost her last crust to anyone in need.” His father (I can’t even think how far back of a grandfather that would make him to me) was “about six feet tall, heavy set (about 200 pounds), powerful, sober, hardworking, honest, industrious, thoroughly reliable. For a number of years he was the night watchman in the town of Malvern, England and later the foreman of the public highway.”

In 1835, when Thomas was 9 years old, his parents left the Church of England and joined United Brethren, opening their home to hold meetings. ‘I was in my fourteenth year and almost a skeptic in regard to the religion of the day. In the Sunday school I had asked my teacher if anybody knew that God lived, and if Jesus was the Redeemer crucified 1800 years ago. He answered: “My boy, you ought not to ask such a question, you ought to believe; I don’t know and I don’t’ know who could tell you!” The same question I asked of a number of other individuals who I thought could know, and received the same answer. That caused me to think that there was nothing in religion, if nobody knew anything about these things, and I made up my mind to have nothing to do with it.’ On my own personal note, I find it ironic that this same spirit caused one of his great granddaughters, me, to leave the faith which brought him to America; the same faith that him and the generations between us were so devoted to.

By no means in my American History class, 13 years ago, did I consider that one of my relatives actually lived what I had been learning. At the age of 18 with some of his Uncles, Thomas Steed, set out for Nauvoo, Illinois from their homes in England. Lying there in the text before me, my great, great, great grandfather was telling of arriving in New Orleans in 1844, riding on the Little Maid of Iowa, perhaps her last voyage, up the Mississippi River until they reached Nauvoo.

Shortly after the murder of the church’s prophet and founder, Joseph Smith. he moved with his uncles and their families along with his new wife to Keokuck, Iowa I think in spring of 1846. There they worked and saved for the journey west. “In June, 1849, the great calamity of Asiatic cholera spread its awful devastations through the United States and was very sever in Keokuck also. Very many were called at a few hours’ warning; a number of our Mormon brethren and sisters were taken.”

With four wagons, nines oxen, five cows, two mules, and one horse all shared by 10 members of his extended family they fled Keokuck and started west. Shortly beyond the Missouri River they joined up with 50 other Mormons pioneers in August of 1850. They traveled the Fort Kearney and the crossing of the South Platte.”

To be continued later………....

Milkshake Cure

2005-03-19T09:53:00.005-05:00

It wasn’t that my children did anything other than what any other normal child does. Yet, my husband had been on my case earlier that morning because our 2 year old son was up (again) at 6:30 am hungry. He let me know before he left for work he strongly believed children should not be up that early. He was on my case about why I couldn't take control of this and get my 4 year old back to sleep. After he closed the front door behind himself I thought, "Its's just as simply as that, right? Why is it that 'stuff' always seems easier for him? Why do the kids listen to his commands at first bark unlike the two or three times I have to repeat myself?" I realize now it was me. I was letting his nitpicking get to me; normally when he gets in these moods I can keep it in perspective.

But for the moment I believed he was right and while the morning sun shines through his white blinds I tried as hard as I could to I pointlessly tried to put a small child back to bed. At 9:00 am I realized how foolish I was being. Something in my cranium went. I made the emergency call; while tears streamed down my checks and the words trembled from my mouth; I needed my friend, my mentor in this mothering career, "Carole, I can’t do this!!!!” She was over in less than 5 minutes, still in her pajamas, with her 16 year old son’s tennis shoes on her bare feet.

She listened as I told her my plight. “Why?!?” She offered condolences and told me of when her now 15 and 16 year old boys were my kid’s age. There were moments she thought she would go back to smoking. She said there where days when just another Barney song felt like it could tip the scales, she would pack them in the car for a drive so she could find her way back to reality.

I know it isn’t just about my children. It was my children’s needs and wants, my husband’s and mine came to the intersection of my life and everyone wanted me to make their world be something it was not in that moment. I took some important vows a couple of years back, brought a couple of very special children into the world and now I wonder how am I not going to lose myself, my true sense of self, in all of this?

I don’t have the answers... yet... but I have figured out so far I can’t do it all alone. I still need my dad, my step mom, my husbands parents. I still even need my ex-husbands parents. I am blessed that I have managed keep a good, close relationship with them. I need my sisters to help remind me of who I am. I need my friends, they are helping me become a better person and remind me to have fun.

One of the moms from my mothers group has been offered a really good job. She has been a stay at home mom all of her daughters’ three years of life. As with all moms who go back into the workforce, no matter how long they have been home, it is bittersweet. It is nice to do something for you, which is what employment offers, but losing the time with your child, something you know you will never get back, is difficult to let go of. I realized, a while ago, that I can’t be there for every second and it is unfair to my children to try to. She asked me for some advice about going back and all I could offer up is: it takes a village. If you have kind, loving people who are willing to love your child, not necessarily as you would, but love them never the less, aren’t you showing them the best part of this world? What a wonderful thing to share with your child that there are more people who will love them out there, more than just Mom and Dad. It’s not going to be all warm and fuzzy, and other people will do it their way, and that will bug you as a parent. But there is a difference between being protective and controlling. The most difficult issue for me is fact that other people do it differently than I would. I don’t always agree that my ex-mother-in-law gives my children so much juice and feeds them a ton of ice cream, but really is that something to get upset over? She loves them. She takes the time to get on the ground with them to play trucks with them, something I wish I had more time to do with them more often. So ice cream and juice are small in comparison to the love both of my boys get from her. Yesterday when the boys were at her house while I was at work, my ex-husband took the morning off and spent it teaching the boys the phrase, “I’m going to kick your butt!” Not something a mom wants her little sweet boys running around saying, but my ex also had just spent the whole morning wrestling with them. My little ones were on cloud nine. To hear their joy when I called to check on them more than made up for what phrase they were learning.

On the way home yesterday after a long day at work, the three of us, me and my two little guys, stopped at McDonald’s for a milkshake; I was probably still feeling guilty about being so unreasonable about trying to get them to go back to sleep earlier this week. As we were waiting for our treats I overheard the lady at the counter tell a co-worker “God’s been testing me this week.” I just thought to myself, “he’s been testing all of us this week, sister”. As Kevin, my oldest, took a drink of his milkshake he said, “Mommy, I love you.” I had been forgiven. My child's love is a beautiful thing.

Whole Foods

2005-03-12T22:47:00.000-05:00

On my way home today I stopped by Whole Foods Market and ran in to pick just a handful of things up. As I was pushing my grocery cart to the check out, I stopped just as I pulled in. From the corner I noticed an older man trying to cut me off so he could get ahead of me. I was so amazed at the spectacle that I looked at my cart then at the stuff he had jumbled in his hands and said, “Go ahead” a little bewildered. It all made sense when the lady ahead of me who just finished her transaction told the puzzled cashier, “This is my husband, we forgot a few things.”

I live a life full of males, my house is full of them, I work in a very male dominated industry and I have always had at least a few close male friends, which is great, it keeps me in the know for my little guys. Plus, it is not that there aren’t any women in my life, I am very close with my sisters and I have a group of girlfriends.

About the same time my ex-husband came back into my life, before he was even my husband, I had started to spend a lot of time with Frank; the company he worked for and mine were working on a project together that I was assigned to write the manual for it. Frank and I had an easy, natural friendship. This particular time Frank had to take a customer and his wife out see a game of hockey and to the local Chop House, he called to let me know he would like it if I went with them. That night he kissed me for the first time as we were waiting for the shuttle to come and pick us up. When he kissed me it was different, somehow more special than others before and as he held my hand, it felt protected.

When you are walking the line between a friendship and a relationship someone has to take that jump of faith and tell the other how they feel. Neither of us did that, so we fell back into our friendship, nothing was mentioned about the kiss. And I started seeing the man who would eventually become my ex-husband more seriously. Frank and I stayed friends though my marriage. As I was going through the divorce Frank would always tell me how he had written me a couple of letters but never sent it, several times. I didn’t understand if it was something to help me through a hard time or something more. I wish Frank had sent me those letters because then maybe I wouldn’t have lost a great friend, maybe I still would have. It wasn’t until well after our communication slowed did I realize what may have been going on. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything, but we will never know. I wouldn’t have thought that older man at Whole Foods today was so strange if he had just said, “Excuse me that is my wife ahead of you”.

Is your heart getting larger with your life?

2005-03-03T07:40:00.000-05:00

“Is your heart getting larger with your life?” Pastor Chris asked the congregation last night. He spoke about how life can cause our hearts to shrink if we don’t take a time out and enjoy the things such as music, nature or even spend time with someone who adores us openly. Everyone needs a soul fill up every once in a while to help us enlarge our hearts so that we can show more compassion to others. Here are some heart expanding exercises that he recommended:
*Listen to beautiful music, something that inspires you
*Take time to enjoy beautiful scenery. Look up at the stars at night, enjoy a sunset.
*Have time away, we all need a change of scenery to recharge.

Kisses from Heaven

2005-03-03T00:28:00.000-05:00

I should be working on the newsletter for my moms group (yes, we have a support group) instead I am writing about Kisses from Heaven.

I can already look back and see many mistakes I have made even though I am just 30; some were made out of circumstance as it can be hard to tell what you are looking at until you have a chance to back away and some just plain stupidity. I never wanted to have children until well into my thirties. The intention had always been to go to college, finish college well educated, get a good job, have a great career and maybe squeeze in a family a little closer to forty than I am now. I graduated high school and moved close to 1,500 miles away from home. I knew I needed away from the craziness of my home if this plan was going to work. The first semester went really well. Second semester my mom started calling daily and sometimes more. Less than 6 months later I was returning home. I went back to school and worked while back at my parent’s house but things were spiraling so out of control I didn’t feel I could even be a good protection barrier for my younger siblings anymore. I worked 2 jobs and moved out with a friend of a friend. I took some classes here and there until my younger sister came to live with me. By then I had found my way into Technical Writing and was making a decent living for a 20 year old without a college degree. My sister came to live with me when I was 22. Shortly after my paternal grandmother who lived less than 10 miles away was told she only had months to live. I had left school for what should have been just a hiatus and spent time with the grandmother who I needed to get to know. The afternoon before a work Christmas party I got a call from my father asking if I would like to meet him for dinner. I hadn’t talked to my father in almost a year. I dropped everything to meet him. He moved into the condominium I had bought less than a month before upon my instance that he didn’t live out of his car anymore. At the time he was an executive that made over six figures but my mom kept all the money. I am not a saint and still, at times, have trouble not being resentful but I took this on of my own accord. I can intellectually understand what being an abused spouse can do to ones reasoning abilities yet it is hard as a child that so desperately wants a parent to protect them. Within two years of my father living with me I needed him to move out. My parents divorce was dragging, my grandmother though not recovered, amazingly, was hanging on at every ounce of life she could sometimes I think to help keep me sane. The day of her funeral there was a message on my machine from a guy I dated a couple of times the year before. We went out the next week. My dad moved into my grandparent’s home, as it was across the street from his work. A year later I ended up pregnant with Kevin. Our marriage, I like to joke, lasted less than the honeymoon. When I had found out I was pregnant with Kevin the doctor had asked me if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. To me that was never an option. Adoption was an option in my mind and I thought long and hard about it but could not bring myself to it, something deep with in me told me that it wouldn’t be easy but it would be okay. Ten hours of labor, a lot of drugs and three weeks early Kevin was born in the summer of the new millennium. I held him for the first 42 hours without putting him down except when the nurses forced me to for his routine exams. He started babbling right away. Kevin had tons of family that fell in love with him right away. His dad was proud to have a boy but still hardly around. He went to the bar the day we came home from the hospital. I don’t think I even waited up for him. We finally went our separate ways while Kevin was just a few months old. I thought I would be condemned to a life of single parenting. Just as the papers were being processed though the court system, at work, my female cube mate moved and was replaced with Mr. I Am Way Too Smart. Really, I didn’t like him one bit. I had worked with him before he sat next to me. His intelligence was very apparently way beyond mine and he had no time for little minds like mine that couldn’t comprehend the code he was speaking in. Then his boss put him on a committee with me and moved him next to me. When I first found I was drawn to him it seemed so strange. As we worked closer together I found that he made me feel special and beautiful. He held me when I cried. He cried that he even had me to hold. He loved Kevin and wanted to be a father to him. It seems that someone says the word marriage and I seem to get pregnant. While planning our October wedding we found out little Scotty was on the way. The wedding moved to July. Why can’t anything ever go as planned? I was so frustrated at this point and very upset at God when really it had been my own poor decision. I had been on the pill but really didn’t he say wait until marriage? Apparently he really meant it for me and I hadn’t listened at least twice! Despite this, I know my boys are gifts.

Life has stopped the spiral of craziness; my dad recently married a woman that treats him well and he loves deeply. I have not seen him this happy, ever. My sister went on to graduate from college and is now working towards reaching her dreams. My youngest sister attends church with me every Sunday and spends lots of time with her nephews when she isn’t at cosmetology school. Now life isn't perfect but much more sane.

Both of my boys are very affectionate but especially the youngest. Scotty says “Thank you mommy’ just for putting on his socks for him. Sometimes after bedtime stories we snuggle and he showers me with kisses I think because I stayed a little longer. They are kisses from Heaven. I know, through my little boy, God is letting me know despite everything that has gone wrong love can conquer it if we just stay strong. He has sent me the most precious reminder, kisses from heaven.
Copyright 2005

Journey through joint custody

2005-02-27T23:20:00.002-05:00

This is my first try at starting a blog. Please bear with me through my mistakes. I will make many. Feel free to make suggestions. I am starting it with something I wrote for my son. It is a story I want to share in case there are others out there like I once was and still am.
Rachel

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My memory starts when I was seven, my mother would pack majority of my father’s clothes in a suitcase and leave them on the front porch usually when he had to work late or went out of town on business. I and my younger brother and sister were instructed not to let our father in when he tried the door only to find the locks changed once again. This happened so many times that my middle sister tells of times that my mother’s behavior frightened her and I would reassure her that this would pass, mom does it all the time. Things spiraled more and more out of control through the years. My mother taught me to think of my father as this horrible, zealously religious man who took advantage of his wife; as a child I never let him into my life. I never heard her say anything nice about him. Reality of what was going on hit me when I saw my mother recruiting the youngest two, then 7 and 9 to help throw (literally) my father’s things outside onto the lawn; underwear, clothing, contents of his office including the large desk. I knew my mom was wrong and I was wrong for going along with her. I realized maybe I should give my paternal grandparents, who I had been cut off from for 10 years, a chance and my father who lived in the same house as I grew up in but I never took time for, nor respected. My parents had five children in all and finally divorced after 23 years of marriage.

At 25 I found myself in a relationship that I knew wasn't working for either of us and unexpectedly pregnant. My largest fear was becoming my mother. I honestly believe life is too short to be so miserable and, though marriage is hard, requires work and will go through rough times, there are certain relationships that it is healthier to let go of then hang on. I hung on through the pregnancy hoping that things would get better and when I knew I had exhausted my options, and myself, and that I did not have a healthy home for my son, I filed for divorce.

Now, at two and a half years old (and two years later), my son Kevin, is a very well adjusted child and no one person can take full credit for it. It is all him and the people who love him so much, all of us. I believe that each of us, his step dad (who is just as much a dad as his biological father), his biological father, I, grandparents all play an imperative role in his life. Mothers, just as fathers, are important. We all have important roles to play, and when there are holes, well... those are holes in the foundation. I have made decisions that have gone against what my family, attorney and counselors have advised me, not out of rebellion but life has taught me different lessons than what most people know. Mainly, I don’t want Kevin living through the hell I lived through as a child. Kevin’s dad surprised me when he requested joint custody as we were going through the process. I couldn’t take away from Kevin what my mother had taken away from me (my father and extended family). In the beginning I didn’t believe Eric, Kevin's father, wanted it truly from his heart. He had refused the first six months of Kevin’s life to change diapers when I was around and do the other tasks he considered ‘women’s work’ on top of me to working full time outside the home. He spent most of his time away from us and not because of work (he somehow is one of the lucky few who can work less than 36 hours a week and make a very good living) but because his social life is so much more important. When joint custody was surprisingly proposed by him, I was taken back, but realized that Kevin needed a father AND a mother. We agreed to joint custody, fifty/fifty straight down the line with the philosophy that if I saw he started to flake out I would go back to court and fight for full custody. In my mind Kevin had a right to have his father involved in his life as much as me and as long as his father wanted that role, and was a healthy parent to be around, I had no right to stand in the way. There were times it was really difficult to put my feelings aside and focus what was right for Kevin not just what was necessarily easy for me. Now we talk at least daily about Kevin’s activities and a little about what is going on in our own lives. We don’t always agree and I have had to bit my tongue many times and so does he; we try to comprise in order to give Kevin a firm foundation.

One person can raise a child well --but I think children are better off learning how to work through differences via a good examples of reasonable adults.

Copyright 2005