The choice was I could either resent her or love her. I choose to love her. It was the first time I
consciously choose to squelch jealously as best I could. That day, as I looked
at my sleeping baby sister, I made a promise. “I will love you the best way I
know how.”
Over 20 years later, we have times where we are close and
times where we are off doing our own things, living our own lives. I think
she knows she has a foundation built on love, as I hope all of my younger
siblings feel. I was just too young when they came home to know I was making a
choice. My love hasn’t always been perfect. I have done hurtful things to
them as we grew up. That’s the beauty of family, they are the testing grounds. If we are wise we will learn how to love better through them.
So, you’re probably wondering what does this have to do moms
black leather dress?
I love to wear dresses. I’m a girl, and there are
moments I like to embrace that and be girly.
It is the feminine side of me that I like and enjoy. Read into it how you want. But in the end,
you could over analyze why some people just like to wear jeans or anything else
and still just be judging on part of the picture.
I came across an interesting dress last year at a little
boutique. It’s very modestly cut, goes to just above my knees and has two thick
straps defining the scoop neck. It is tailored to fit perfectly. The top part
is tweed and, just a few inches above the waist to my knees, leather. It’s edgy
and conservative all at the same time.
“I don’t like that dress, mom” my middle son bluntly told me
as he looked me up and down after work. I understood. In that dress, some man
might be attracted to me. He knew that and the best way he had to tell me was I
don’t like that on you.
He, nor I, would not be doing the right thing for each other
if we shut out the world, not taking the risk of letting anyone else in. Taking those risks are hard and risky, but also offer the most growth if we are lucky.
Someday, probably sooner that I would like, there will be someone (outside of his circle of friends) that he wants/desires to spend time with. Someone he is attracted to; someone that he hopefully loves with an understanding people and relationships are apart of the beauty of life. I hope my son quickly learns how to love and let go at the same time. I know within that closeness and space all at once there is courage and an opportunity to be, and become, who we want to be. And to also see our loved ones grow in that same light.
Someday, probably sooner that I would like, there will be someone (outside of his circle of friends) that he wants/desires to spend time with. Someone he is attracted to; someone that he hopefully loves with an understanding people and relationships are apart of the beauty of life. I hope my son quickly learns how to love and let go at the same time. I know within that closeness and space all at once there is courage and an opportunity to be, and become, who we want to be. And to also see our loved ones grow in that same light.
So that black leather dress represents to my son that I am not
just his. Just a part of me is his. And just as I am not completely his, neither is
he completely mine. I am here to give
him a firm foundation in love, teach him to go out confidently in this
world - even though there will be good
and there will be bad. People will hurt him, and some will love him. He will experience beauty in all of its forms as he lives his life, and I know there there will be moments where life
seems cruel. But my prayer for him is that he sees the beauty within himself first and knows who he is above all else with conviction.
I think that’s the funny thing about romantic love too. I see so many people get it wrong, and
just a few get it right. Clearly, I haven’t gotten it right yet either – or as
I like to think – I just haven’t found the right one who understands I am not a
possession and nor is he. But from my experience, love is not a proprietorship, and when it is treated as like a possession it is tinged with ugliness, having shallow roots riddled with insecurity. Love that builds the best foundations is forgiving,
understanding of imperfections, strives to become better, gives space when it
is needed (the pruning part so things can grow), sees the possibility in the
other, is capable of being catalyst that launches one another to become better thus bringing what is possible
to fruition. This is the greatest gift we all have to give one another.
In Isaiah 32 verse 17, “The fruit of the righteous will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.”
In Isaiah 32 verse 17, “The fruit of the righteous will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.”
…..“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But
the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13







